Losers Take All (2011)

Adam Herschman: Greg Glaverman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Greg Glaverman : [Watching Brian make out with Simone]  I hope Brian's wearing a rubber. Guys, if there's one thing I've learned it's that chlamydia is not a flower. It's a cotton swab the size of a majorette's baton jammed in your urethra.

  Billy : Greg... we're dudes. We don't have urethras. We have dicks. The only reason I'm in this band is for the chicks.

  Lance : Yeah. If I didn't wanna meet chicks, I'd sell furniture.

• Greg Glaverman : [Drunk off wine coolers]  Everybody tuned in and plugged up?

• Dave : We do suck in the grand scheme of things.

  Vicky : The grand scheme of things is Huey Lewis and the News. Which you guys aren't, thank God.

  Greg Glaverman : She's right. You're not Huey Lewis or the News.

• Greg Glaverman : [Handing the boys a business card]  My name's Greg Glaverman. I manage and promote bands.

  Dave : [Looking at the card]  It says here you sell furniture, Greg.

  Greg Glaverman : That's an old card. The new ones are gonna say both.

  Billy : [Suddenly realizing]  I know you, dude! You're that guy who's always getting his ass kicked in those TV commercials!

  [the band cracks up] 

  Greg Glaverman : So... have you guys, like, cut a demo? Is there anything I could listen to? I've got a cassette player in my car, I could just pop it in.

  Dave : Are you serious?

  Lance : What's "Slamdini" like in real life?

  Greg Glaverman : He's pretty nice. We don't really talk much. I'm serious about the demo.

• Greg Glaverman : [Snorts cocaine for the first time, to the dealer]  You wouldn't happen to have any of this for sale, would you?

• Ellie : [Hands Lance a bag for a Fingers record]  Why don't you guys take this as payment? I've got to unload them before my dad gets here anyway.

  Billy : Is that weed?

  Ellie : Mushrooms.

  Greg Glaverman : [Runs by, high on cocaine]  Mushrooms? Freak out! That's hippie shit. Child's play!

  Ellie : ...is that your roadie?

  Billy : Um... something like that...

• Greg Glaverman : Do it!

• Greg Glaverman : [Watching Brian make out with Simone]  Hey, wait a minute, I know that girl.

  Billy : [Drunk, surprised]  You do? How?

  Greg Glaverman : She's like punk rock royalty.

  Lance : So how do you know her?

  Greg Glaverman : Well, her boyfriend's Miles Monroe.

  Lance : I'm thinking maybe they broke up.

  Billy : Who the hell is Miles Monroe?

  Greg Glaverman : He started Miles Per Hour Records.

  [Billy and Lance are blank] 

  Greg Glaverman : Miles Per Hour Records? One of the best indies in the country? It's right here in town! It's the label you guys wanna be on.

  Billy : Warner Bros is the label I wanna be on. With Van Halen.

  Lance : Yeah, yeah... and whatchimacallit, uh... Düsker Hü.