Royal Pains (TV Series)

TB or Not TB (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Divya Katdare : [played back on Evan's cellphone]  I've got a problem. Meet me at 23 Foxtail Court as soon as possible. Evan, please. I need you.

  Automated Cellphone Voice : To save this message, press nine.

  Evan Lawson : Uh, not only did I save that message, I put it on my iPod as work-out music.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : Did Boris say you could use his tennis equipment?

  Evan Lawson : You said - I'm gonna quote you right now - you said that, unless it's an emergency, leave Boris alone.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Yeah, including all of his property, facilities and leisure gear.

  Evan Lawson : Interesting. I must've tuned that part of the lecture out.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : [handing over his cell phone]  Cover for me till I get back?

  Evan Lawson : Sure.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : And don't change my ringtone to you rapping, no crank calls, no pizza deliveries...

  Evan Lawson : Charitable donations?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : No, nothing.

• Evan Lawson : 1986 called. It wants its shorts back.

• Evan Lawson : Hey. So, uh, this soup is very provocative. Do you embrace customer feedback?

  Divya Katdare : [answering for Allison]  I'm sure she does - from PAYING customers.

• Evan Lawson : Whoa, whoa, that was cranky. Does the doctor's little helper need a power nap or something?

• Divya Katdare : I need some boundaries.

  Evan Lawson : Boundaries? What's that supposed to mean?

  Divya Katdare : You set those TB tests at the most illogical time.

  Evan Lawson : What?

  Divya Katdare : While the restaurant was serving, Evan and then you ran around like a little Yorkie yapping at everyone, begging for treats, practically humping my leg while I'm trying to administer the shots.

  Evan Lawson : Okay, so I'd also like some boundaries, starting with the kinds of animals you're allowed to compare me to.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : What's wrong with brunch?

  Evan Lawson : It's brunch. You're wearing clothes, so it's not breakfast; you're not even that hungry yet, so it's not lunch; it's like... it's the meal that won't commit. It's the... Come to think of it, it's the perfect meal for you and Jill, so enjoy a french toast salad or whatever.

• [Divya needs Evan's help translating Italian for someone who may have TB] 

  Evan Lawson : Whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I'm not getting a disease. Are you kidding me? Especially one I didn't have any fun catching.

• Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz : So, my privacy WASN'T violated?

  Evan Lawson : No. Not at all.

  Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz : Then nor will yours be.

• Divya Katdare : Here's an idea: let's have dinner but absolutely no conversation.

  Evan Lawson : Yeah. Like we're married.