Royal Pains (TV Series)

Crazy Love (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Quotes 

• Evan R. Lawson : You looking for somebody? Maybe somebody who knows how to surf without perling, 'cause...?

  Katie : You got me. I like to base my relationships on surfing technique.

• Evan R. Lawson : I'm actually - you know what? - I don't even surf. I'm more of a turf guy.

• [Katie calls Hank an MSG] 

  Dr. Hank Lawson : [to Evan]  What's an "MSG?"

  Evan R. Lawson : Medical super god.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Oh, all right.

  Evan R. Lawson : Miniature sex gimp. Mumbling snow gerbil.

• Evan R. Lawson : You're welcome for that, by the way, you know, dragging you out to Boris' party in the first place, getting you and Jill together.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Oh, okay, so you're gonna take credit for everything that happens in my life post-Brooklyn, man?

  Evan R. Lawson : A butterfly flaps its wings.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : Okay, so about this MSG thing...

  Jill Casey : Ugh. It's not a thing. It's really no big deal.

  Evan R. Lawson : Macho surfing guru, right? No? Mucus-spewing growth?

• Evan R. Lawson : Okay, look, I understand you were raised with a silver spoon up your... but I would like to make a profit. Besides, I do billing; you do medicine-y stuff.

• Evan R. Lawson : You really think it's safe to go home? Like, you don't understand. Boris was really, really serious about me keeping his deep, dark shark secret, and I really don't wanna be thrown in his hedge maze to be gored by a minotaur or something.

• Evan R. Lawson : [about Katie]  She's got some cajones, man. If she actually had cajones, and you saw them when you treated her, you couldn't even tell me, could you?

• Jill Casey : [to Evan after he talks his way onto Katie's bad side]  Oh, you just dug your own grave.

  Katie : [to Jill]  Yeah, he's no MSG.

  Jill Casey : No.

  Katie : [to Evan]  Don't worry, though. All you missed was a couple months of casual, really good sex.

  Evan R. Lawson : Whoa-whoa, w-okay, I'm an MSG. Look at... What the hell's an MSG?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Yeah, you guys gotta tell us what that means. It's enough already.

  Jill Casey : It's stupid.

  Evan R. Lawson : Medieval slut gatherer, man seeking guacamole, manatees...

• Evan R. Lawson : Wow. Dieter's makin' house calls? That can't be good.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : Evan, I have a patient who just passed his physical with flying colors.

  Evan R. Lawson : So what's the problem?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : The problem is he's sick, and I totally missed it.