The Irate Gamer (TV Series)

Goonies 2 (NES) (2007)

Chris Bores: The Irate Gamer

Quotes 

• The Irate Gamer : What a shitload of shit.

• The Irate Gamer : Ah, Goonies II. This is a game I remember fondly playing when I was only about 8 years old. I loved the movie so much I had to rush out and buy the video game. But as much as I loved the movie, I just had the exact opposite reaction towards this game.

• The Irate Gamer : What's worse than having to play your video games out of order? I mean, who in their right mind would play Castlevania III before Castlevania I? The very thought of doing such a thing is just sickening... and I think it's punishable by death in some countries.

• The Irate Gamer : So maybe, just maybe there's a third option to this enigma: maybe someone just royally fucked up the numbering system on this game. I mean this could be the same exact thing that happened to the Donkey Kong video games. Allow me to explain: first, there was the popular Donkey Kong video game, which became an instant classic. Then, after that, Donkey Kong Jr. came out, this time you played as Donkey Kong's son. Then a few years later, out of nowhere, comes Donkey Kong 3. How did this happen? Just what the hell happened to Donkey Kong 2? So, are we just picking numbers at random here or is Donkey Kong Jr. supposed to be the missing link here? If that's the case, then why aren't we calling 'Donkey Kong Jr.' Donkey Kong 2? It would make much more sense than skipping directly from number 1 to number 3. In the long run, doing this kind of shit just messes everything up and confuses everybody in the process.

• The Irate Gamer : How come it always seems like we're getting fucked in the ass when it comes to game selection here in America?

• The Irate Gamer : [reading character's dialogue]  'You're braver than Brand'? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I can honestly say I've never heard this expression used in my entire life. Oh, this game pisses me off.

• The Irate Gamer : Half the time, they don't even make no sense at all.

• The Irate Gamer : What did she just say? 'What do you do?' That doesn't make any sense. I can't even take any pleasure in beating her up because some asshole forgot to proofread this game.

• The Irate Gamer : So after saving Annie, we find out that she's not even a Goonie at all, but a mermaid. Boy, who's stupid fucking idea was this? This ending makes no sense whatsoever.

• The Irate Gamer : It would be more enjoyable to rip the hair out of my ass than to play this game.

• The Irate Gamer : Now, "Goonies II" is a very hard game to play. No, let me rephrase that: "Goonies II" is a very hard game to *figure out*. First of all, there are no stages or levels to advance, and you just have to wander around aimlessly collecting items and trying to figure out where you can use them.