- General Major Felts: Just what in the hell did you think you were gonna get away with? I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated on my base!
- Shawn Spencer: Is there another type of idiocy that you would be more comfortable with?
- Shawn Spencer: [to General Felts] I have two words for you. Army... psychic. I'll give you first shot before I pitch it to CBS as a series.
- General Major Felts: I will be contacting your superiors about this incident. There will be consequences.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Consequences?
- General Major Felts: Consequences!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, he's going to come back with a bar of soap wrapped in a towel.
- Shawn Spencer: Would you relax. There's no way we're getting D'Onofrioed.
- Shawn Spencer: Major General...
- General Major Felts: Yes?
- Shawn Spencer: I got nothin'. I just like saying that... Those two words in sequence, "Major General." Try it, Gus.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I don't want to, Shawn!
- Shawn Spencer: Just say it!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Major General!
- [smiles]
- Carlton Lassiter: [Standing in crimescene, Shawn professes that the aparent suicude was actually murder. Juliet starts to say something when Lassiter cuts her off] O'Hara please, I think we've got this one covered. Spencer why don't you get...
- [Lassiter cuts himself off when he notices Shawn's girlfriend Abigail standing next to Shawn]
- Carlton Lassiter: I'm sorry did you bring a DATE, to the crime scene?
- Shawn Spencer: It was either this or ice skating
- [to Abigail]
- Shawn Spencer: But I'm not anti-ice skating...
- Carlton Lassiter: Do you have any idea how inappropriate that is?
- Shawn Spencer: Any MORE inappropriate than yelling at a co-worker in front of his lovely date?
- Shawn Spencer: [to Gus in a whisper] Dude the chair... the chair he stepped on to hang himself. His legs would have naturally kicked it backwards, and yet, it's tipped forward. This is remedial stuff.
- [steps forward closing his eyes and going into his 'psychic' pose]
- Shawn Spencer: I do not believe this man was alone in the room when he died.
- Carlton Lassiter: Spencer! Enough! I'm already on to something being fishy here without your help. Look at the position of the chair.
- Shawn Spencer: [looks sincerely proud and said just audibly enough for Lassiter to hear] Good boy Lassie...
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: And for the record, I have the utmost respect for the United States Army, and all branches of the military for that matter.
- Shawn Spencer: [laughs] Except of course, the Coast Guard. Did you see The Guardian?
- Shawn Spencer: Jules, I owe you an apology. I was wrong.
- Juliet O'Hara: For accusing my brother?
- Shawn Spencer: No, I was gonna say you were right. I looked it up. Eve Plumb did do three episodes of The Love Boat, playing three completely different characters. Turns out she had a lot more range than I gave her credit for. But, now that I'm thinking of it, I was also wrong to accuse your brother. He saved our lives and, well, I owe him for that.
- Juliet O'Hara: That is very sweet.