- Emerson: The line between ambition and obsession can be much thinner than one might imagine. You would be well served to look down and see exactly where you are standing.
- [first lines]
- Conrad Hartman: Dad, I caved on the shirt, I'm not wearing the tie.
- George Hartman: A young man in a tie makes a statement.
- Conrad Hartman: What, that my father dresses me in the morning?
- [last lines]
- Conrad Hartman: You were right, Middleton's not so bad.
- George Hartman: Let's take the long way home.
- George Hartman: Your girl seemed very determined.
- Edith Martin: Audrey. Yeah, I named her after Audrey Hepburn, but it was a serious miscalculation. I should have named her Benito.
- George Hartman: A smartphone fascist.
- Edith Martin: If Audrey had to give up either her phone or her kidney, she'd be on dialysis. I'm sure of it.
- George Hartman: We came in the wrong door.
- Professor Riley: There are no wrong doors. All the world's a stage.
- George Hartman: Not in my world.
- George Hartman: Feckless? Let me guess, you're a high school English teacher.
- Edith Martin: Wrong. How 'bout you? Wait, let me guess, let me guess. Are you a Brooks Brothers model?
- George Hartman: I'm a cardiac surgeon. I was speaking with a patient.
- Edith Martin: Hmm, so you can fix a heart over the phone?
- George Hartman: Depends on the data plan.
- Audrey Martin: So, what are you going to study?
- Conrad Hartman: I'm just keeping my options open.
- Audrey Martin: Mmm, yeah, that's a really strong department.
- Emerson: College should not necessarily be about narrowing your focus, it's about broadening your experience.
- Justin: After telling the tour that a Lewis Carroll manuscript was on display at the library Justin continues... you know, a lot of really cool stuff happens here. Um, just this past weekend "Snatches of Pink" played a free concert right here on the quad.
- George Hartman: Justin?
- Justin: Hmm?
- George Hartman: On a scale of 1 to 10 could you rate the effect on your life respectively of the visiting manuscript versus the "Snatches of Pink" concert?
- Justin: The "Snatches" were tight, George.
- Edith Martin: Any rapes?
- Justin: A lot of rapes, but that's typical of college. That's what you're gettin' into.