Glee (TV Series)

Journey to Regionals (2010)

Jane Lynch: Sue Sylvester

Quotes 

• Sue Sylvester : I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a brier patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about living on the bayou!

• Sue Sylvester : It's as barren as me in here, Will. Moving on to greener pastures?

  Will Schuester : Did you just come to gloat, Sue?

  Sue Sylvester : Mostly.

  Will Schuester : Well... congratulations. You got what you wanted. I should shake your hand.

  Sue Sylvester : Not unless you got some hand sanitizer. I've seen that car you drive. I don't want to catch poor.

  Will Schuester : Explain something to me. Maybe we weren't good enough yet to beat Vocal Adrenaline. Fine. But we were so much better than Aural Intensity.

  Sue Sylvester : Oh, William, I can't reveal how the voting went down. That would betray my sacred oath as judge or something. The results simply show the other clubs to be more deserving.

  [flashback, with Sue narrating in voiceover] 

  Sue Sylvester : All I can say is casting my vote was easy. It reflected exactly how I felt in my heart about which team should win.

  [she votes for New Directions for first place] 

• Will Schuester : Well, Sue, congratulations. You win. I lose. The kids lose.

  Sue Sylvester : I know you think I'm heartless, Will, and you may have a point. I spend large segments of each day picturing you choking on food. And I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink, inflamed monkey butts that weeps lymph. And I know that you think I'm a bad person because I remain unmoved by your nattering of trite platitudes to your ill-shapen students about how the human condition can be improved by, yes, singing about it. And I've proven that I can wipe you and your Glee Club off the face of this earth. But what kind of world would that be, Will? A world where I couldn't constantly ridicule your hair. World where I couldn't make fun of you for tearing up more than Michael Landon in a sweeps week's episode of "Little House on the Prairie". And you know what, Will? Sue Sylvester's not sure she wants to live in that kind of world. So I had a little talk with Figgins.

• Will Schuester : We have another year?

  Sue Sylvester : You're a good teacher, Will. Now, I don't like you so much. But I admire you and the work you're doing with your kids. I really do.

  [offering a handshake] 

  Sue Sylvester : Bon chance, William. I relish the thought of another full year of constantly besting you.

  Will Schuester : [shaking hands]  You know, Sue, inside... you're a really good person. You have a heart.

  Sue Sylvester : Okay, let go of my hand.

  Will Schuester : Hey... I appreciate what you're doing for these kids. I won't forget it.

  Sue Sylvester : And I'm seriously going to puke in your mouth.

• Sue Sylvester : Newton-John? You're dead to me. Remington, Horsey, have a seat and listen up. I don't care who comes in first, I don't care who places second, but I have a very strong opinion about who comes in third.

  Rod Remington : Sue, if I may. That "Bohemian Rhapsody" had me a-movin' and a-shakin', and I'm talking old school. You know, I partied with Freddie Mercury back in the '70s, and I partied... hard, if you know what I mean. Back then, people weren't so obsessed with labels.

  Olivia Newton-John : I, for one, was offended that only one of the groups chose to honor me in song. I think Aural Intensity should win.

  Sue Sylvester : [Josh raises his hand]  Yes?

  Josh Groban : Two questions. One, are you single? And two, how about those New Directions? I liked them. I thought they had a lot of... heart.

  Olivia Newton-John : Heart? Oh, please. Talk about blatant tokenism. That whole "we're inspiring, we're a ragtag bunch of misfits" thing is so 2009.

  Sue Sylvester : I couldn't agree more. Let's vote.

• Josh Groban : I thought that brunette had an amazing voice.

  Olivia Newton-John : Brunettes have no place in show business.

  Sue Sylvester : Come on. They're just kids.

  Olivia Newton-John : That's no excuse. By the time I was fourteen, I'd already formed a band. When Josh Groban was their age, he was already in the Mickey Mouse Club or something.

  Sue Sylvester : Well, as the only educator here, let me point out that not all kids are afforded the same opportunities as others.

  Olivia Newton-John : Is that what you tell yourself to get to sleep at night? Some people just simply don't have talent. You think you're a celebrity. You're not. You just try hard. That's about it.

  Rod Remington : Olivia Newton-John has a valid point here. You have a lot in common with those kids at your school, Sue. Underachievers with delusions of grandeur.

  Josh Groban : Dagnabbit! Now even I have to admit I'm a little confused as to what Sue is doing in this room. Wasn't the theme tonight supposed to be celebrity judges?

  Sue Sylvester : Kiss my ass, Josh Groban! I am an internationally ranked cheerleading coach!

  Olivia Newton-John : Who lives in Ohio. When this is done today, Josh and I are flying back to L.A. first class. You'll be staying here. Just like those kids. I think we've all made up our minds. Let's vote.

• Will Schuester : Principal Figgins, I am begging you. Do not let her do this to those kids.

  Sue Sylvester : William, I resent the implication that I don't play by the rules.

  Will Schuester : You leaked our set list at sectionals, Sue.

  Sue Sylvester : I have no memory of that.

• Sue Sylvester : Hey, buddy, see you on Saturday.

  Will Schuester : Wait. What?

  Sue Sylvester : At regionals. Didn't you hear? I'm one of the judges.

• Will Schuester : You cannot allow this to happen!

  Principal Figgins : It's out of my hands, William. I have no control over what the Show Choir Governing Board says or does.

  Sue Sylvester : Let me break it down for you, Will. It's been decided that this year's regionals will be judged by celebrities. And I'm a celebrity now, William. Now, I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality, but face it. I'm a legend. It's happened.