Supernatural (TV Series)

Abandon All Hope (2009)

Mark Sheppard: Crowley

Quotes 

• Sam Winchester : It's Crowley, right?

  Crowley : So, the Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough.

  [he approaches, looks down at the rug, turns it up to find the Devil's Trap painted underneath] 

  Crowley : Do you have any idea how much this rug cost?

  [demons come up from behind and restrain the brothers; Crowley holds up the Colt] 

  Crowley : This is it, right? This is what it's all about.

  [raises the gun, shoots the two demons holding them; the brothers look at each other in confusion] 

  Crowley : We need to talk. Privately.

  Dean Winchester : What the hell is this?

  Crowley : Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing? There's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists at all. Except that I told you.

  Sam Winchester : *You* told us?

  Crowley : Rumors. Innuendo. Sent out on the grapevine.

  Sam Winchester : Why? Why tell us anything?

  Crowley : [pointing the Colt at Dean]  I want you, to take this thing to Lucifer, and empty it into his face.

  Dean Winchester : Uh-huh. Okay, and why, exactly would *you* want the Devil dead?

  Crowley : [putting the Colt down]  It's called survival. But I forgot, you two at best are functional morons.

  Dean Winchester : Yeah, you're functioning morons... more.

• Dean Winchester : Uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kinda signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the Devil and lose?

  Crowley : Number one, he's gonna wipe us all out anyway, two, after you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere, and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T MISS, OKAY? MORONS!

  [tosses Dean a bag of ammo, vanishes] 

• Crowley : Lucifer isn't a demon. Remember? He's an angel, an angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him you're just filthy bags of pus. That's the way he feels about *you*. What can he think about us?

  Sam Winchester : But he *created* you.

  Crowley : To him we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind, we're next. So. Help me. Huh? Let's all go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures! I'm in *sales*, damn it. So what do you say? What if I give you this thing, and you go kill the Devil?

  [he holds out the Colt, Sam hesitantly takes it] 

  Sam Winchester : Okay.

  Crowley : [grinning]  Great.

  Sam Winchester : You wouldn't happen to know where the Devil *is*, perchance, would you?

  Crowley : Thursday... Birdies tell me he has an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.

  Sam Winchester : Great. Thanks.

  [he puts the Colt to Crowley's head, pulls the trigger, nothing happens] 

  Crowley : Oh yeah, right, you probably need some more ammunition.

• Crowley : Mr. Pendleton, I presume? The name's Crowley.

  Mr. Pendleton : [uncertain]  In my negotiations I was, uh, dealing with a very young, attractive young lady...

  Crowley : Yes, I know. But you, piggy-banker, you... are a big fish. And I wanted to do you the honor of sealing this deal personally.

  Mr. Pendleton : She said the deal would be sealed with a kiss.

  Crowley : [smiling]  That's right.

  Mr. Pendleton : No, I mean she's... I don't...

  Crowley : Your choice. You can cling to six decades of deep-seated homophobia, or, just give it up, and get a complete bail-out of your bank's *ridiculous* incompetence.

  Mr. Pendleton : There are just things that I...

  Crowley : Going once...

  Mr. Pendleton : No, I don't think so...

  Crowley : Going twice...

  Mr. Pendleton : [snarls]  All right! All right.

  [Crowley pulls him into a kiss, Pendleton squirms; Castiel comes into view behind a pillar] 

  Castiel : [into cell]  Got him.

• Castiel : The demon Crowley is making a deal. Even as we speak, it's... going... down.

  Dean Winchester : "Going down?" Right. Okay, Huggy-Bear. Just don't lose him.

  Castiel : I won't lose him.

  Mr. Pendleton : [to Crowley]  Damn you.

  [walks away] 

  Crowley : Enjoy the obscene wealth! See you in ten years.

  [He walks off, Castiel following; they vanish] 

  Castiel : [outside Crowley's hideout]  I followed him. It's not far, but... it's layered in Enochian warding magic. I can't get in.

  Dean Winchester : That's okay. You did great. We'll take it from here.