Is It Just Me? (2010)

David Loren: Xander

Quotes 

• Xander : He wouldn't hurt a fly - unless it was open.

• Xander : You got... you got a cowboy drunk.

  Cameron : Mm-hm.

  Xander : And that is dangerous. You know why?

  Cameron : Why?

  Xander : 'cause you gonna end up hogtied.

• Ernie : [knocking on Xander's door]  I got some apple dumplings out here. Come on out.

  Xander : I'm kind of busy in here.

  Ernie : Phone sex? Better wear a condom. You can never be too safe.

• Ernie : [knocking on Xander's door]  Xander?

  Xander : [to Blaine on the phone]  Hang on.

  Xander : [calling to Ernie]  What's up?

  Ernie : Oh, I think we all know the answer to that question.

  Xander : Okay, let me rephrase it: What can I help you with?

  Ernie : Oh, just tell the hottie, that if he's tired of youth, then experience is just down the hall and past the credenza.

  Xander : Mm-hm. Will do.

• Xander : We drank, then went on back to his place where I puked and passed out.

  Ernie : Oh, God. The good old days.

• Xander : [seeing Ernie's tears]  Did you miss the fact that this is a horror film and they all got slaughtered by a homicidal maniac?

  Ernie : Oh, I don't know. It's just the irony of it, you know? Don't you see that it's the tragic end of youth and beauty that's caused by the ugliness and bitterness of an empty heart. Hey, it's a god-damn masterpiece.

  Xander : Well, now that you mention it...

  Ernie : Yeah, it's like Sweeney Todd without the music... or Angela.