The Cleveland Show (TV Series)

You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown (2010)

Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown, Rallo Tubbs

Quotes 

• Cleveland Brown Jr. : How was your shopping spree, Miss Donna?

  Donna Tubbs : It was great, Junior and thank you for letting me use your new Amex card. Cleveland only has a pre-paid debit card from Magic Johnson's bank.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, everyone thought they'd be gone years ago, but they're still kicking.

• Cleveland Brown : [to Cleveland Jr]  Okay, enough of this bull crap. How much money did your mother leave you?

  Cleveland Brown Jr. : Well, I'm not allowed to tell you, but suffice it to say, it was substantial. With the sale of your deli, Mom's life-insurance policy and the reckless-homicide settlement I got from Peter Griffin, I did just fine. Apparently, to pay for it, Mr. Griffin had to get a series of new jobs. I didn't see it, but I heard it was hilarious.

• Cookie Brown : Now, Cleveland, I know your father and I have had our problems, but those days are behind us.

  Cleveland Brown : So you're just gonna forget about the Waffle House waitresses and the JetBlue stewardesses and Greta Van Susteren?

• Cleveland Brown : [to Freight Train]  Are you asking me to be your best man?

  LeVar 'Freight Train' Brown : Not if you're gonna be a crying little piss-pants about it.

  Cleveland Brown : I'm crying because I peed my pants.

• Cleveland Brown : [after Freight Train doesn't show up for the wedding]  I'm sorry, Mom. Dad always treated you so terribly. He never deserved you. He's a son of a bitch.

  Cookie Brown : Oh, Cleveland, you don't know your father as well as I do. Whenever I needed something fixed around the house, he'd be there. And when I was feeling low, he'd fry some fish for me. And well, I know you're my son, but my word, that man can tag it, bag it and sell it to the butcher.

  Cleveland Brown : Mm, okay.

  Cookie Brown : We've been having booty calls for years, so I finally said, "Lavar, if you wanna keep hitting this, you better put a ring on it."

  Cleveland Brown : Please stop talking.

• Cleveland Brown : Mom's gonna catch a bus in 15 minutes.

  LeVar 'Freight Train' Brown : Aw, hell, no. She's gonna be riding on the Freight Train. I'm gonna tear your mama up.

  Cleveland Brown : What's up with you and Mom talking to your child that way? Both of you.