- Agent Lana Kane: Have you noticed anything weird about Conway?
- Sterling Archer: Other than the fact that he's not circumcised?
- Agent Lana Kane: Wow. Okay. Glossing over *how* you know that...
- Sterling Archer: We touched penises...
- Agent Lana Kane: No! Glossing!
- Sterling Archer: What? You're black... ish.
- Agent Lana Kane: Ish?
- Sterling Archer: Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said 'quadroon'.
- Agent Lana Kane: Imagine that!
- Sterling Archer: You imagine it!
- Malory Archer: Both of you imagine shutting up!
- [Archer and Conway are clinched, naked. After they separate, Archer looks down]
- Conway Stern: What, you, uh, you see something you like?
- Sterling Archer: Wh- no, you... queer.
- Conway Stern: [laughs] Oh, *I'm* queer? From the guy whose tiny gun came with a matching purse.
- Sterling Archer: Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power.
- Brett: Hah! That little...
- [Archer shoots Brett]
- Conway Stern: Oh shit!
- Brett: God damn it, Archer!
- Sterling Archer: See that?
- Brett: Again!
- Sterling Archer: He was putting on his pants, and I stopped him. So you just watch your step, mister... damn it.
- Conway Stern: Hey, right there, what you should have gone with was "Sammy Gay-vis Jr."
- Sterling Archer: Damn it!
- Cheryl: [post-coital] Conway! That was amazing!
- Conway Stern: Yeah, so uh... okay...
- [he leaves]
- Cheryl: [to herself] Oh my God, I hope I'm pregnant!
- Pam Poovey: You're kidding.
- Sterling Archer: No, I'm dead serious.
- Pam Poovey: Yeah?
- Sterling Archer: I want to file an HR complaint against Conway.
- Pam Poovey: On what grounds?
- Sterling Archer: He touched my penis with his penis!
- Pam Poovey: Wow.
- Sterling Archer: Yeah. He just came up to me and was like, bwoop!
- Pam Poovey: Where?
- Sterling Archer: All of it! Head and shaft.
- [last lines]
- Malory Archer: Well, Conway's gone. And I'll have nothing to remember him by.
- Cheryl: [comes in carrying a blue stick] Except his little mocha love child!
- Malory Archer: Oh, my God! You had sex with Conway!
- Cheryl: Yeah, and he totally impregnated me.
- Malory Archer: But - wait. He was only here for two days. How in hell is that pregnancy test showing positive?
- Cheryl: No, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a blue sticker on it.
- Conway Stern: I've tracked him to South Beach, where he's arranged to sell the plans to Cuban naval intelligence. If that happens, undetectable Cuban missile subs could be parked off Miami Beach.
- Malory Archer: Ugh! Just what Miami needs, more Cubans.
- Sterling Archer: Seriously, Lana, call Kenny Loggins 'cause you're in the danger zone. From Top Gun!
- Cyril Figgis: Where'd you get the steak?
- Conway Stern: Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood.
- Cyril Figgis: Yeah, she's kinda weird that way.
- Conway Stern: Yeah, she's kinda weird a bunch of ways.
- Conway Stern: Now, whom can I thank for these shrimp?
- Cheryl: Me!
- [Rips open her blouse]
- Cheryl: Your secret Jew Santa.