- Self - Host: According to the guide "First Aid for the Family", if someone swallows an unknown poison, either give them water or what?
- Self - Panelist: Leave the room.
- Self - Host: True or false, a male gorilla only manages to get romantically excited about once a year.
- Self - Panelist: [sighs] Then it's "Adults Only Day" at the zoo.
- Self - Host: Is it true Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?
- Self - Panelist: Too bad she couldn't make it in show business.
- Self - Host: Zsa Zsa Gabor is quoted as saying "Nothing makes you lonelier or unhappier than a bad..."
- Self - Panelist: Sister.
- Self - Host: What would you do with gray poupon?
- Self - Panelist: I'd rub my parrot's nose in it.
- [Loud laughter from Phyllis Diller]
- Self - Host: According to studies at the San Francisco Examinier, if your wife is having an affair, are you likely to find out?
- Self - Panelist: I found about Alice. I was in a hotel once and I found out they had named a room service sandwich after her.
- Self - Host: A room service sandwich, what was it called?
- Self - Panelist: I don't know. I think it was Breast of Turkey
- [Loud laughter from Phyllis Diller]
- Self - Panelist: ... served on two huge buns.
- [More laughter]
- Self - Host: True or false, a topless dancer in San Franciso has had her bust insured for a million dollars.
- Self - Panelist: Oh, and for the first time, the Good Hands People...
- [loud laughter]
- Self - Panelist: have a "Piece of the Rock".
- Self - Host: Who is smarter, your dog, your cat, or your pig?
- Self - Panelist: Well, I don't have a *pig*, unless I count *his mother*.
- [laughter]
- Self - Panelist: . She has a lazy susan that is deisel powered. Boy, when that thing spins, it blows my wig off.
- Self - Host: True of false. According to Dr. Joyce Brothers, people who own dogs often get satisfaction when their dogs do things that they would actually like to do.
- [laughter]
- Self - Panelist: I went with a girl once who was a real *dog*. We used to go for rides in the car, stick her head out the window,
- [laughter]
- Self - Panelist: fetch, and all kinds of things like that. She died when she was twenty.
- Self - Host: Oh, she was so young.
- Self - Panelist: Not in *dog* years!
- [loud laughter from Phyllis Diller]
- Self - Host: True or false, a male gorilla only manages to get romantically excited about once a year.
- Self - Panelist: [sighs] Then it's "Adults Only Day" at the zoo.
- Self - Host: Is it true Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?
- Self - Panelist: Too bad she couldn't make it in show business.
- Self - Host: Zsa Zsa Gabor is quoted as saying "Nothing makes you lonelier or unhappier than a bad..."
- Self - Panelist: Sister.
- Self - Host: According to the guide "First Aid for the Family", if someone swallows an unknown poison, either give them water or what?
- Self - Panelist: Leave the room.