Archer (TV Series)
Dial M for Mother (2010)
H. Jon Benjamin: Sterling Archer
Photos
Quotes
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Cyril Figgis : This isn't my fault.
Sterling Archer : It's exactly your fault, idiot. When mother found out you cheated on Lana...
Cyril Figgis : You cheated on Lana plenty!
Sterling Archer : Yeah, but with starlets, models, oh, and one time two actual princesses.
Pam : Two at the same time?
Sterling Archer : Yeah, they were sisters.
Pam : Sploosh.
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[last lines]
Malory Archer : Don't be shitty, can't we just enjoy the moment?
Sterling Archer : [bleeding from multiple gunshot wounds] Yeah, how could we not?
Malory Archer : [pause] Ass.
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Cyril Figgis : You slept with her too!
Sterling Archer : When I was bored!
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Sterling Archer : I'm hungry.
Malory Archer : So lick that coat. You smell like
Sterling Archer : Grilled cheese.
Malory Archer : What?
Sterling Archer : Grill me a cheese.
Malory Archer : I'm not grilling you a cheese!
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Malory Archer : So help me God, Sterling. Sometimes I think I've failed as a mother.
Sterling Archer : Sometimes?
Malory Archer : Oh, shut up!
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Sterling Archer : Yeah, tell me how my father might be Nikolai Jackov, head of the KGB, or Len Trexler, head of ODIN. I assume those are my only choices.
Malory Archer : Ahem.
Sterling Archer : Oh my. Who else?
Malory Archer : Gene Krupa.
Sterling Archer : What!
Malory Archer : No, wait.
Sterling Archer : The drummer?
Malory Archer : Not Krupa, the other one with the teeth. Buddy Rich.
Sterling Archer : Oh my.
Malory Archer : I could never say no to a drummer.
Sterling Archer : Could you say no to anybody?
Malory Archer : [Slaps Sterling Archer] I said no to plenty.
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Sterling Archer : I'm gonna pain you dearly, Woodhouse, when I peel all your skin off with a flensing knife, sew it into Woodhouse-pajamas, and then set those pajamas on fire!
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Sterling Archer : Un-uh. Pam, I will end you.
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Cyril Figgis : Why would Ms. Archer give us until Friday?
Pam : I did that, because somebody in this building is going to have sex with me.
Sterling Archer : Yeah? You think between now and Friday you can score some roofies?
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Sterling Archer : Are you out of your mind?
Malory Archer : What? I must be, because it looks like you just destroyed my Steuben bar set.
Sterling Archer : Well, you just destroyed my innocence.
Malory Archer : Oh, please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were thirteen.
Sterling Archer : Twelve.