South Park (TV Series)
The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs (2010)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Chris Stotch, Randy Marsh, Publisher, News Reporter #1, Chinese Reader, TV Announcer, Matt, Meredith, Supreme Court Judge #2, Supreme Court Judge #3, Morgan Freeman, Reader #2, Reader #3, Reader #5, Reader #6, Reader #7, Man on the Kardashians, News Reader
Photos
Quotes
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Stan : [reading "Catcher In The Rye"] Did you get to *any* dirty parts yet?
Kyle : [also reading "Catcher..."] No! It's still just some whiny, annoying teenager talking about how lame he is.
Stan : I don't get it, dude. What's so controversial about this? All he's done is said "shit" and "fuck" a few times.
Kyle : I know! I'm almost at the end and there's nothing.
Eric : [enters, slamming door] Mother fucker! The whole thing. I read the whole *fucking* thing! I kept thinking, alright, the cool, offensive stuff must be coming. And then after a hundred pages I was like, *alright*, I guess all the dirty stuff is at the end. And then I got to the last page! And I was all, what da fuck is this! I JUST READ A BOOK, FOR NOTHING!
Kyle : Why the hell was this book banned?
Eric : They fucking tricked us, that's what they did! Tricked us into reading a book by enticing us with promises of vulgarity.
Kenny : [enters, mumbles] Dude, what the fuck is this...
[rest is indecipherable]
Eric : We know! We we're just saying that.
Stan : Why would anyone think this book was obscene and dangerous?
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [just finished reading "Catcher..."] Kill John Lennon. Kill John Lennon. *Kill* John Lennon!
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Kyle : Mr. Garrison, didn't the guy who shot John Lennon say it was because of this book?
Mr. Garrison : Yes, apparently John Lennon's killer said he was inspired by Catcher in the Rye, but he was just a kook.
Eric : Whoa, you're telling us this book is filthy, inappropriate and made a guy shoot the king of hippies. Can we please read this right now?
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[Kyle and Stan are trying to comfort Butters, whose writings inspired someone to kill the Kardashian sisters]
Kyle : Aw... aw, Butters. It'll be alright. Listen, we've all learned that people look for meaning in books. And sometimes, even if it isn't there, they'll try and invent their own meaning.
Stan : Yeah dude, that's why we all need to avoid books and stick to television.
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[Sharon rushes into the kitchen, covered in vomit and carrying a copy of the boys' story]
Sharon Marsh : Randy? Randy! Randy, you need to read this!
Randy Marsh : Read what?
Sharon Marsh : This book! Our son and his friends wrote it!
Randy Marsh : So?
Sharon Marsh : "So?" Randy, it's... it's... it's REALLY good!
Randy Marsh : Huh?
[Sharon hands him the story]
Sharon Marsh : I mean, it's disgusting, it's, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever read, but the plot is AMAZING, and the characters are so... VIVID!
Randy Marsh : [reading from the page] "It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBoogerballs awoke to find a..." Ew, Sharon, gross!
Sharon Marsh : No, no, just keep reading!
Randy Marsh : "He took a... and then..." Oh, ma - oh, this...
[he vomits all over the floor]
Sharon Marsh : I know. I know, Randy, but trust me, you gotta push through to the end.
Randy Marsh : No, no, that's just WRONG!
Randy Marsh : Randy, please, you've got to listen to me!
Randy Marsh : [continues reading] "Walking out of the house, he found a bloody b..." What? "... which he immediately stuck up his infected..."
[he gags and vomits again. The scene fades to a short time later; Randy, exhausted and soaked in vomit, is reading the last page while Sharon looks on]
Randy Marsh : "... that was all long ago in some brief lost spring, in a place that is no more. In that hour, the vag-frogs begin, and the scent of Scrotie's infected anus comes strongest."
[he puts the page down and sighs]
Randy Marsh : Oh... oh, man.
Sharon Marsh : Well?
Randy Marsh : It's... it's awesome. Sharon, it's, it's the best book I've ever read.
Sharon Marsh : Right? It's not just me!
Randy Marsh : No, it's... I mean, the whole part about Amsterdam? Wow!
Sharon Marsh : What do we do, Randy? We can't support our son talking like this, but I, I mean...
Randy Marsh : No, I, I know. He's... people NEED to read this book, Sharon. This is... this is Pulitzer Prize stuff.
