South Park (TV Series)

The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs (2010)

April Stewart: Sharon Marsh, Kim Kardashian, Teacher, Lola, Supreme Court Judge #4, Marsha

Quotes 

• Kim Kardashian : Today, me and my sisters are gonna have to, like, clean something. It's gonna blow.

• [Sharon rushes into the kitchen, covered in vomit and carrying a copy of the boys' story] 

  Sharon Marsh : Randy? Randy! Randy, you need to read this!

  Randy Marsh : Read what?

  Sharon Marsh : This book! Our son and his friends wrote it!

  Randy Marsh : So?

  Sharon Marsh : "So?" Randy, it's... it's... it's REALLY good!

  Randy Marsh : Huh?

  [Sharon hands him the story] 

  Sharon Marsh : I mean, it's disgusting, it's, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever read, but the plot is AMAZING, and the characters are so... VIVID!

  Randy Marsh : [reading from the page]  "It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBoogerballs awoke to find a..." Ew, Sharon, gross!

  Sharon Marsh : No, no, just keep reading!

  Randy Marsh : "He took a... and then..." Oh, ma - oh, this...

  [he vomits all over the floor] 

  Sharon Marsh : I know. I know, Randy, but trust me, you gotta push through to the end.

  Randy Marsh : No, no, that's just WRONG!

  Randy Marsh : Randy, please, you've got to listen to me!

  Randy Marsh : [continues reading]  "Walking out of the house, he found a bloody b..." What? "... which he immediately stuck up his infected..."

  [he gags and vomits again. The scene fades to a short time later; Randy, exhausted and soaked in vomit, is reading the last page while Sharon looks on] 

  Randy Marsh : "... that was all long ago in some brief lost spring, in a place that is no more. In that hour, the vag-frogs begin, and the scent of Scrotie's infected anus comes strongest."

  [he puts the page down and sighs] 

  Randy Marsh : Oh... oh, man.

  Sharon Marsh : Well?

  Randy Marsh : It's... it's awesome. Sharon, it's, it's the best book I've ever read.

  Sharon Marsh : Right? It's not just me!

  Randy Marsh : No, it's... I mean, the whole part about Amsterdam? Wow!

  Sharon Marsh : What do we do, Randy? We can't support our son talking like this, but I, I mean...

  Randy Marsh : No, I, I know. He's... people NEED to read this book, Sharon. This is... this is Pulitzer Prize stuff.