Glee (TV Series)

Britney/Brittany (2010)

Lea Michele: Rachel Berry

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rachel Berry : I'd like to dedicate this song to my boyfriend, Finn. I was wrong. I shouldn't try to control you. I just... I've never been this happy before, and I realize that I was trying to hold on to how you were making me feel so much that I was strangling you in my hands like a little bird. I get now that in order for this relationship to work that I have to open up my hands to fly free.

  Brittany Pierce : Finn can fly?

• Dr. Carl Howell : Rachel, wake up. You Glee kids are impossible to work on. You're always moving around when you're under.

  Rachel Berry : [groggy from the anesthesia]  Is this real life?

• Finn Hudson : [seeing Rachel with a mouthful of blue teeth]  Ahh!

  Kurt Hummel : Oh, my god!

  Rachel Berry : What?

  [taking a compact from her purse, she looks at her reflection and covers her mouth in embarrassment] 

  Rachel Berry : Ah! I don't understand. I floss between classes.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Well, sometimes it's genetics.

  Artie Abrams : [with his own mouth of blue teeth]  I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror.

  Santana Lopez : There you go, blue tooth.

  Brittany Pierce : [sporting blue teeth, too]  I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

• Santana Lopez : Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look. Yay.

  Rachel Berry : Thank you.

  Kurt Hummel : I think what Santana is trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom. That's all.

  Will Schuester : Wait. Rachel, is that true? I mean, you are sort of dressing differently.

  Artie Abrams : Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

  Finn Hudson : [wanting him to stop]  Hey, hey.

  Rachel Berry : Look, all I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me feel free to get out of my own way. I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before.

• Rachel Berry : Hey, you all right? You seem a little down. Didn't you like the banana bread I baked you?

  Finn Hudson : Yeah, it was awesome. It's just... how do you feel about me not being on the football team anymore?

  Rachel Berry : I'm actually kind of happy about it. That I don't have to fantasize about what song I'd sing at your bedside if you were in a coma.

  Finn Hudson : Yeah. I'm just so not cool now, you know?

  Rachel Berry : Well, it's just less of a chance of you running off with some cheerleader.

  Finn Hudson : Wait, so you want me to feel bad about myself?

  Rachel Berry : No, I just... I want to be the only thing that makes you feel good.

  [seeing his expression] 

  Rachel Berry : I'm just trying to be honest.

• Santana Lopez : [passing by Rachel with Brittany]  Hey, dwarf, anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on "To Catch a Predator"?

  Brittany Pierce : Also, I'm more talented than you.

  Rachel Berry : [Finn snickers]  You could have defended me.

  Finn Hudson : [throwing it back in her face]  Well, Santana has a point. Just trying to be honest.

• Will Schuester : [at Carl's dentist office]  Hey, Rachel.

  Rachel Berry : Hey, Mr. Schue.

  Will Schuester : You all set? You need me to stay with you or anything?

  Rachel Berry : No. I've been taking herbal anti-anxiety pills and reading "The Unauthorized Biography of Britney Spears" to stay calm. I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them.

• Finn Hudson : [seeing Rachel dressed in Britney Spears' "... Baby One More Time" schoolgirl outfit]  Hey, take my hoodie. You look cold.

  Rachel Berry : It's okay, I'm... wait, you mean you don't like my new look?

  Finn Hudson : Don't you think it's a bit much? I mean, I think that guy just broke up with his girlfriend over there just so he could stare at you.

  Rachel Berry : I'm just doing what you told me. Besides, it's not like when I went all sad clown hooker and put on that ridiculous "Grease" catsuit. This is just like my regular look with the volume turned up.

• Azimio : Ooh, baby, you can hit me as many times as you want as long as you got that on!

  Karofsky : How come all the gay guys always get the hottest chicks?

  Finn Hudson : You see what I'm talking about? They're personifying you.

  Rachel Berry : Objectifying.

  Finn Hudson : Whatever! Just tell me why it's okay for you to feel safer with me not on the football team, but it... it's not okay for me to feel safer with you in your old reindeer sweater?

  Rachel Berry : Look, I see your point. In order for this relationship to work, we can't control each other. So you have my blessing to rejoin the football team, if you can.

  Brittany Pierce : [nearby, rubbing Jacob Ben Israel's "Jewfro"]  It looks like a Jewish cloud.

  Jacob Ben Israel : [approaching Finn as Rachel leaves]  What do you want for her? I'll give you anything. I'll give you my house. I'll kill my parents and I'll give you my house.

  [Finn groans and leaves] 

  Jacob Ben Israel : [looking at Rachel lustfully]  Wanky, wanky!

• Will Schuester : You have got to be kidding me.

  Sue Sylvester : I was headed to the library computers late last night to score my Cheerios some cheap tickets on one of those off-brand airlines with shoddy safety records; you know, to fly my JV squad, so if the plane did go down, well, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But then... *horror*!

  [flashback; in the library, Sue comes across a naked Jacob Ben Israel webcamming with an unseen Rachel] 

  Jacob Ben Israel : Rachel, are you aware you've never been hotter than you are right now dressed as Britney Spears?

  Rachel Berry : Thank you.

  [cut to Sue's office] 

  Jacob Ben Israel : Can I put some clothes on, please?

  Sue Sylvester : No. I want you to feel the beads of your own sweaty, depraved stank dripping down your butt crack.

  Jacob Ben Israel : Rachel Berry was dressing like Britney Spears, and I was... titillated.

  Sue Sylvester : Oh, dear god, please don't ever say that word again.

  Jacob Ben Israel : Can I go now, please? And you're gonna have to turn around when I stand up, if you know what I mean.

• Artie Abrams : Britney plus nitrous gave me an amazing idea, and it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I both really want to be on the team.

  Rachel Berry : Wait. You're back on the football team?

  Finn Hudson : Yeah.

  Santana Lopez : Suddenly, you're way hotter to me. Weird.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Wait. I don't get it. How come everyone's having Britney Spears fantasies?

  Artie Abrams : The nitrous oxide dentists use is a mild hallucinogen. Studies have proven that it induces vivid dreams, often the last thing the patient thinks of. The subconscious moves to the forefront. Since we've all been thinking so much about Britney, it only stands to reason.

• Rachel Berry : I always thought the boys' locker room would be all sexy, but actually, it smells like feet in here.

• Finn Hudson : You changed back to your old clothes.

  Rachel Berry : I just want you to know that I heard everything that you said and that I respect your needs, and I'll do anything to make you feel safe and happy.

  Finn Hudson : Cool. Well, thanks. I gotta go.

  Rachel Berry : Wait. I mean... d-don't you want to make me feel safe and happy, too?

  Finn Hudson : Well, yeah. Yeah, sure. Wait. Wait. Do you want me to quit football?

  Rachel Berry : Look, how am I supposed to trust that you're not just going to stray again? All right, remember your little fling with Brittany and Santana? I do... all right? Let... let's face it, Finn... the only way that this relationship is going to work is if we're both losers.

  Finn Hudson : [holding her to comfort her]  Okay. Come here. This is how it's gonna happen. I'm gonna be quarterback again, then I'm going to throw a touchdown in our first game, and then point to you in the stands so that everybody in the school knows you're my girlfriend. All right?

  Rachel Berry : That's very romantic, but... I don't know.

  Finn Hudson : Rachel, you can't ask me to choose between you and football.

  Rachel Berry : Well, I am.