Glee (TV Series)

Britney/Brittany (2010)

Naya Rivera: Santana Lopez

Quotes 

• Brittany Pierce : I don't want to do Britney.

  Kurt Hummel : Why no Britney, Brittany?

  Brittany Pierce : Because my name is also Brittany Spears.

  [everyone looks at her, confused] 

  Will Schuester : What?

  Mercedes Jones : What the hell is she talking about?

  Brittany Pierce : My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce. "Brittany Spierce". I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears' shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.

  Will Schuester : Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry.

  Kurt Hummel : Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot.

  Santana Lopez : Leave Brittany alone.

  Brittany Pierce : Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road.

• Finn Hudson : [seeing Rachel with a mouthful of blue teeth]  Ahh!

  Kurt Hummel : Oh, my god!

  Rachel Berry : What?

  [taking a compact from her purse, she looks at her reflection and covers her mouth in embarrassment] 

  Rachel Berry : Ah! I don't understand. I floss between classes.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Well, sometimes it's genetics.

  Artie Abrams : [with his own mouth of blue teeth]  I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror.

  Santana Lopez : There you go, blue tooth.

  Brittany Pierce : [sporting blue teeth, too]  I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

• Santana Lopez : Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look. Yay.

  Rachel Berry : Thank you.

  Kurt Hummel : I think what Santana is trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom. That's all.

  Will Schuester : Wait. Rachel, is that true? I mean, you are sort of dressing differently.

  Artie Abrams : Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

  Finn Hudson : [wanting him to stop]  Hey, hey.

  Rachel Berry : Look, all I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me feel free to get out of my own way. I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before.

• Dr. Carl Howell : All right, so here's the deal. You chew this little capsule. Now, if there's any plaque you missed, the dye will stick to it and turn your teeth blue.

  Santana Lopez : Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?

  Dr. Carl Howell : I get that all the time.

  Santana Lopez : No, like, seriously. You can totally drill me whenever...

  Emma Pillsbury : [interrupting]  Santana. Okay, let's stay focused.

• Santana Lopez : [passing by Rachel with Brittany]  Hey, dwarf, anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on "To Catch a Predator"?

  Brittany Pierce : Also, I'm more talented than you.

  Rachel Berry : [Finn snickers]  You could have defended me.

  Finn Hudson : [throwing it back in her face]  Well, Santana has a point. Just trying to be honest.

• Dr. Carl Howell : So, Santana, I'm looking at your charts and your x-rays. Your teeth are perfect.

  Santana Lopez : That's right.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Well, I can't just put you under. Anesthesia isn't something to joke about. It's serious.

  Santana Lopez : Okay, listen, my dad's a doctor. And not a "tooth doctor", a real one. He, like, went to college or something. Which means I have a killer health care plan that pretty much pays for everything. So get up in my grill, 'cause Britts and I wants to get our anesthesia on.

  Brittany Pierce : That's totally cool.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Hmm. Okay, I guess I can give you a super strong bleaching.

  Santana Lopez : Hmm.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Can I turn the radio on?

  Santana Lopez , Brittany Pierce : [putting their iPod earbuds in their ears]  We've got it covered.

• Brittany Pierce : I would just like to say that from now on, I demand to have every solo in Glee Club.

  Will Schuester : What?

  Brittany Pierce : When I had my teeth cleaned, I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and danced better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman I truly am.

  Santana Lopez : I went with her, and I had a Britney fantasy, too. Although now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not really sure how our fantasies combined.

• Artie Abrams : Britney plus nitrous gave me an amazing idea, and it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I both really want to be on the team.

  Rachel Berry : Wait. You're back on the football team?

  Finn Hudson : Yeah.

  Santana Lopez : Suddenly, you're way hotter to me. Weird.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Wait. I don't get it. How come everyone's having Britney Spears fantasies?

  Artie Abrams : The nitrous oxide dentists use is a mild hallucinogen. Studies have proven that it induces vivid dreams, often the last thing the patient thinks of. The subconscious moves to the forefront. Since we've all been thinking so much about Britney, it only stands to reason.