Glee (TV Series)

Britney/Brittany (2010)

Kevin McHale: Artie Abrams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kurt Hummel : I think I speak for all of us when I say that it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky smooth Adult Contemporary, it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand: that this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club perform a number by - wait for it - Ms. Britney Spears.

  Artie Abrams : Yo, Spears. Spears, yeah.

  [the glee kids all mutter agreement] 

  Will Schuester : Sorry, Kurt. Kurt, sorry. No, no, no. I... I don't think she's a very good role model.

• Finn Hudson : [seeing Rachel with a mouthful of blue teeth]  Ahh!

  Kurt Hummel : Oh, my god!

  Rachel Berry : What?

  [taking a compact from her purse, she looks at her reflection and covers her mouth in embarrassment] 

  Rachel Berry : Ah! I don't understand. I floss between classes.

  Dr. Carl Howell : Well, sometimes it's genetics.

  Artie Abrams : [with his own mouth of blue teeth]  I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror.

  Santana Lopez : There you go, blue tooth.

  Brittany Pierce : [sporting blue teeth, too]  I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

• Santana Lopez : Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look. Yay.

  Rachel Berry : Thank you.

  Kurt Hummel : I think what Santana is trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom. That's all.

  Will Schuester : Wait. Rachel, is that true? I mean, you are sort of dressing differently.

  Artie Abrams : Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

  Finn Hudson : [wanting him to stop]  Hey, hey.

  Rachel Berry : Look, all I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me feel free to get out of my own way. I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before.

• Azimio : [accosting Finn at his locker]  Gimme this jacket!

  Finn Hudson : Hey, give me that back! I earned that!

  Azimio : This jacket belongs to people who are actually on the team. But you know what? We're going to restyle it to represent the obvious duality in your sexuality.

  [he and Karofksy both take a sleeve and rip the jacket in half; in a fit of rage, Finn takes a swing at him] 

  Azimio : [ducking]  Oh, you're trying to swing at me?

  Karofsky : Swing, huh?

  Azimio : Come on, swing at me.

  Karofsky : Come on.

  Azimio : Come on! Come on, let's go!

  Artie Abrams : [entering]  Sorry to interrupt. I'm actually glad you're here to see this. Finn, I just wanted to apologize for getting you kicked off the football team. I just hope there's no hard feelings.

  [for show, he and Finn shake hands] 

  Artie Abrams : So, what are you guys talking about?

  Karofsky : Dude, take him.

  Azimio : This wheelchair kid is in the way, man. What if I knock him over or something?

  Karofsky : There's something not right about hitting a kid in a wheelchair.

  Azimio : [to Finn]  You know, the only thing that's saving you right now is my moral code. I don't hit crippled people. But I'll be back. We'll be back.

• Quinn Fabray : I was pretty sure Artie's legs don't work.

  Brittany Pierce : Did you get a leg transplant?

  Artie Abrams : Nope. My teammates can push my chair like a battering ram.

  Finn Hudson : Yeah, there's no rules against it. We checked.

  Artie Abrams : And I have Britney Spears to thank.

  Brittany Pierce : You're welcome.

• Artie Abrams : Britney plus nitrous gave me an amazing idea, and it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I both really want to be on the team.

  Rachel Berry : Wait. You're back on the football team?

  Finn Hudson : Yeah.

  Santana Lopez : Suddenly, you're way hotter to me. Weird.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Wait. I don't get it. How come everyone's having Britney Spears fantasies?

  Artie Abrams : The nitrous oxide dentists use is a mild hallucinogen. Studies have proven that it induces vivid dreams, often the last thing the patient thinks of. The subconscious moves to the forefront. Since we've all been thinking so much about Britney, it only stands to reason.