- Troy Barnes: My uncle was struck by lightening. You would think that would give you superpowers. But now he just masturbates in theaters.
- Jeff Winger: [yells at Pierce] Would you stop tuning that guitar? You are 105 years old! Tell me exactly what you did with your life to end up here so I don't make the same mistakes!
- Pierce Hawthorne: [yells at Jeff] Excuse me!
- [normal voice]
- Pierce Hawthorne: But it's springtime, and I thought I might woo a few chicks.
- [strumming guitar and singing]
- Pierce Hawthorne: No one to watch while we're kissing. / No one to see while we spoon.
- [Abed rises and approaches Pierce]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Let's take a trip in my airship, / and we'll visit the man in the moon.
- [Abed grabs the guitar and begins beating the guitar against the study group table]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Hey, hey, hey. What the... hey! Hey! What?
- [shouts]
- Pierce Hawthorne: What the hell?
- Abed Nadir: Sorry.
- Jeff Winger: Animal House. A reference my ears applaud.
- Abed Nadir: I couldn't resist. Smashing the guitar of someone singing a cloying love song was on my quintessential college experience list.
- Annie Edison: Your what?
- Abed Nadir: It's a list of everything that movies have taught me comprises a successful first year at college.
- Jeff Winger: Bringing a goat to our study group... that's a great idea, Troy.
- Troy Barnes: Thanks. Must have been hard for you to say that.
- Britta Perry: It's called sarcasm, Troy. Ask the goat to explain it to you.
- [Troy turns to the goat to ask, then stops and turns to the group]
- Troy Barnes: Are you sure it's the name of my grade school and my favorite soft drink?
- Abed Nadir: Yup. Pretty sure.
- Troy Barnes: George Washington Lemon Fresca. That's a horrible porn name.
- Abed Nadir: I don't make the rules.
- Troy Barnes: What's yours?
- Abed Nadir: Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt.
- Troy Barnes: Oh, that's good. Hello, Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt. How many pornos have you been in?
- Abed Nadir: 6,012. How many pornos have you been in, George Washington Lemon Fresca?
- Troy Barnes: 2,019. It's my first week.
- Abed Nadir: Impressive.
- Troy Barnes: Thank you.
- Abed Nadir: You're welcome.
- Pizza Guy: [porn music plays] Someone here order a pizza? Is it you guys? It has extra sausage.
- Troy Barnes: No.
- [Abed and Troy exit]
- Pizza Guy: It's big and hot.
- Leonard: That's my pizza. But you took longer than 30 minutes, So I'm not paying.
- [playing electronic bass]
- Shirley Bennett: You are pathological, and you will never change.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Huh. That is the pot calling the kettle... a kettle, okay.
- Shirley Bennett: Oh, you can say black, Pierce. I'm a black woman. The cat is out the bag. You have literally identified me to strangers as "the black woman."
- Pierce Hawthorne: Out of context. Context is everything. I call the other women "flat-butt" and "the one Abed wants to nail."
- [Annie mouths "You?" and points to Britta, Britta quizzically points to herself, mouths "Not me" and shakes her head]
- Britta Perry: So what's the context for constantly referring to me as a lesbian? If the wallet chain fits. I'm just trying to help you find yourself.
- Troy Barnes: At least he doesn't think that Shirley's my mom anymore. He thinks that we're cousins.
- Pierce Hawthorne: You're not?
- Abed Nadir: He still assumes I'm a terrorist. If you're not, I'm sorry. And if you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.
- Annie Edison: You said I have a crafty, Jew brain.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Nobody knows how to take a compliment anymore.