- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: My God! This is the greatest mystery in history. We must go to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James.
- Hermes Conrad: Didn't we used to be a delivery company?
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: To the ship!
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: My God! DaVinci's Vitruvian Man!
- Philip J. Fry: It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.
- Morbo: Silence, puny audience, and welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire! Tremble at Morbo's mighty likeability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry!
- [Fry is lowered on a chair; a sign reads "APPLAUD or be destroyed"]
- Bender: Give 'em hell, Morbo!
- Morbo: Prepare to exchange pleasantries! So, what do you do for a living?
- Philip J. Fry: Uh... Let's see... Can I phone a friend?
- Morbo: Chitchat achieved!
- [Dramatic music plays]
- Morbo: Are you ready to play!
- Philip J. Fry: I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.
- Morbo: For one dollar, which of these tools would you use to hammer a nail? Is it A: a hammer; B: another nail; C...
- Philip J. Fry: B: Another nail! Final answer!
- [Fry is lifted away]
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: He may have hidden a clue in one of his artworks. Ergo, I sent Bender to bring a copy of The Last Supper.
- Bender: I'm back! Everyone at Kinko's was an idiot, so I brought the original.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Okay, everyone into the fountain.
- Bender: Are you senile? There's no way I'm getting in there.
- Philip J. Fry: Hey, look. There's coins.
- [Bender dives in]
- Turanga Leela: Fry's not dumb. His intelligence is just a little differency.
- Bender: You a big dummy!
- Leonardo da Vinci: Would you like to attend the lecture too, Fry?
- Philip J. Fry: Nah, it would just go in one ear and out some other hole.
- Leonardo da Vinci: Have a seat.
- Philip J. Fry: Now that I can do.
- [Tries to sit on bench, but falls on floor]
- Amy Wong: Spleech, Professor. Don't have a splenurism. Fry's your distant relative.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Not distant enough! I'll be a monkey's uncle before I'm this monkey's uncle.
- Philip J. Fry: It's an honor meeting you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... eh.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead!
- [Punches Fry in the stomach, recoils in pain]
- Philip J. Fry: I guess eating rocks was not as dumb as you thought.
- Leonardo da Vinci: I have a confession to make. In this planet, I am an idiot.
- Philip J. Fry: You? Who would call you an idiot?
- Biff: Duh, I'm Leonardo. I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson.
- Biff's Girlfriend: I have to use a pencil because I don't know how to use rendering software.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Stop! I want in on this!
- Philip J. Fry: Professor, are you crazy?
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: I'm tired of being called an idiot, just because everyone is smarter than me. I say kill them all! Starting with the math teacher!
- Philip J. Fry: Hey I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: You can barely remember your own name, "Einstein"!
- Philip J. Fry: Einstein is a hard name to remember!
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: I'm sorry I insulted your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops, there I go again, you dope.
- Philip J. Fry: Thanks. I may not be smart, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom always said.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.
- Philip J. Fry: Also, she said I wasn't much to look at.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: A wise woman indeed.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Oh my! It's Divici's fabled lost invention! Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I!