"Community" Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking (TV Episode 2011) Poster

Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne

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Quotes 

  • Pierce Hawthorne : Hello, Jeffrey.

    Jeff Winger : Pierce.

    Pierce Hawthorne : I've thought about this day many times, but I've always imagined it differently. For starters, I thought you'd be the one in bed and I'd be a hologram.

    Jeff Winger : What?

    Pierce Hawthorne : Uh... never mind. It's no... there's no time for that now.

    Jeff Winger : Pierce. It's starting to seem, from observing the others, that you're using the social leverage afforded you by your alleged deathbed, to exact complicated acts of psychological vengeance on those closest to you.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Vengeance?

    [wryly chuckles] 

    Pierce Hawthorne : Oh, no. I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that. Did you get along with your father?

    Jeff Winger : I got along without him.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Oh, that's no good, Jeffrey. You don't want your dad to die before you tell him how you feel.

    Jeff Winger : I'm sure you're right...

  • Jeff Winger : Oh, I should probably tell you. If you're lying to me, if my father isn't coming, if a car pulls up and anyone other than my father steps out, say an actor or you in a wig, if you pull any Ferris Bueller, Parent Trap, Three's Company, FX, FX2: the Deadly Art of Illusion bull- I will beat you. And there will be nothing madcap or wacky about it. Understood?

    Pierce Hawthorne : Crystal!

  • Britta Perry : Knock Knock.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Is that you death?

    Britta Perry : It's Britta.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Oh.

  • Pierce Hawthorne : I called everyone here so I could put my house in order. Bequeath parting gifts. Say my final words to each of you.

    Troy Barnes : Final words? You're gonna kill us?

  • Pierce Hawthorne : You forget my birthday. You don't invite me to your Dungeons & Dragons games or your secret trampoline. You guys think I'm some kind of a joke.

    Jeff Winger : This isn't disproving the theory.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Good point.

  • Shirley Bennett : Britta, you've got to forgive yourself. Look at me, I've forgiven all of you for the horrible things...

    [Britta snatches the CD from Shirley and walks quickly] 

    Shirley Bennett : Oh, for crying out loud Shirley, we're gonna listen to it.

    [Shirley chases after] 

    Shirley Bennett : I don't wanna listen to it. Britta, please. Britta. Britta, wait. Britta.

    [Britta loads the CD on player] 

    Shirley Bennett : [on recording]  I'll be right back. Don't learn anything without me.

    Pierce Hawthorne : [on recording]  So how much do we all hate Shirley?

    Annie Edison : [on recording]  Pierce, knock it off.

    Jeff Winger : [on recording]  Hey, James Bond, stop trying to record us with that stupid spy pen.

    Abed Nadir : [on recording]  We can see the blinking light. Troy:

    Troy Barnes : [on recording]  Why do you keep trying to record us bad-mouthing each other?

    Jeff Winger : Because, he thinks friendship is a competition, and he's trying to get the upper hand.

    Pierce Hawthorne : You think Shirley's any different?

    Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Jeff Winger , Abed Nadir , Troy Barnes : [on recording]  Yes.

    Jeff Winger : Moron.

    Shirley Bennett : Hello.

    Britta Perry : I guess we do owe you an apology. We shouldn't have said those things about you.

    Shirley Bennett : [cut to Shirley in a storage closet]  I guess the lesson here is that I sometimes use guilt as a weapon.

    Abed Nadir : [Abed enters]  What are you doing?

    Shirley Bennett : Oh, just shooting a talking head or did you want me to be the only one who didn't have one?

    Abed Nadir : No, go ahead.

    [Abed exits] 

    Shirley Bennett : I think it stems from when I was...

  • Annie Edison : What does it mean?

    Pierce Hawthorne : What do you mean, "What does it mean?"

    Annie Edison : No riddles. You're screwing around with everyone. You gave me a tiara, what does it mean? Are these... are these blood diamonds?

    [loudly whispers] 

    Annie Edison : Are they Holocaust diamonds?

    Pierce Hawthorne : No!

    Annie Edison : Well, what does it mean?

    Pierce Hawthorne : It means you're my favorite.

    Annie Edison : [cut to Annie sitting alone]  What does that mean?

  • Annie Edison : [Annie enters Pierce's hospital room]  Pierce? I figured out your test. Crowns, presents, punishments, favorites. You're trying to show me the dangers of my own elitism. My constant striving to be the best. So I'm re-queathing this tiara. Because If I become the person who thinks it's their place to pick favorites and torture the rest, I'll die sad and alone. And that's what you were trying to teach me.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Very good, Annie. You pass.

    [Annie turns and exits] 

    Pierce Hawthorne : She's actually just my favorite.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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