Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Chris D'Amico, The Motherfucker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave Lizewski : You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.

  Chris D'Amico : Your dad? You blew up my dad with a bazooka.

• Dave Lizewski : What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?

  Chris D'Amico : Yeah, and I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.

• Old Man : [walking in on The Motherfucker's robbery]  What's wrong with you, boy?

  Chris D'Amico : Get on the floor too, Gandalf, or I will bust a cap in your ass!

  Old Man : You're going to bust your own face when that gun kicks if you don't hold it properly.

  Chris D'Amico : Just get on the ground!

  [Old Man slowly gets on the floor] 

  Chris D'Amico : [getting agitated]  God! Will you hurry up?

  [the Motherfucker shoots his gun, hitting himself in the face] 

  Old Man : I told you!

• Chris D'Amico : What the hell, Mom? Did you delete the news off the DVR?

  Mrs. D'Amico : Yes. Yes I did, Christopher.

  Chris D'Amico : That was the one with Kick-Ass!

  Mrs. D'Amico : Ugh, Christopher! You've got to stop obsessing over this superhero!

  Chris D'Amico : He is not a superhero, Mom. He's a murderer! He blew Dad up with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!

  Mrs. D'Amico : [making sign of the cross]  Your father died in a fire.

  Chris D'Amico : A fire! What is your problem?

  Mrs. D'Amico : You! You are my problem! I am trying to raise you to be a normal boy. That's why we moved to Long Island after your father's accident.

  Chris D'Amico : A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch!

• Uncle Ralph : It's okay to have a bit of fun, but you can't go hiring a gang of heavy hitters. Javier should've told you.

  Chris D'Amico : No, it doesn't matter. Uncle Ralph, I'm going to make Kick-Ass pay for what he did to us.

  Uncle Ralph : Chrisy, you need to forget that punk. It's more important that you stay out of this. You're not like me, your dad. You're... special.

  Chris D'Amico : You can't tell me what to do anymore. I know who I am now.

  Uncle Ralph : Oh yeah, and who's that?

  Chris D'Amico : The Motherfucker.

  [Uncle Ralph laughs] 

  Uncle Ralph : You think you're the big bad guy, huh? Let me show you what real evil looks like.

• Chris D'Amico : Javier, thank you. I couldn't do this without you. You're pretty much like the only real family I have left.

  Javier : Not a problem, man. I got your back.

  Chris D'Amico : Hey, it's kind of like you're the Alfred to my evil Bruce Wayne.

  Javier : Did you just call me your fucking butler?

  Chris D'Amico : Yeah, is that not a compliment? Shit, my bad.

• Dave Lizewski : What is wrong with you, dude? This is not a comic book. This is real life! When you're dead, it's done. There's no sequel.

  Chris D'Amico : You made this real. You started it, and I'm going to end it! I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus!

• Chris D'Amico : [posing with guns]  I know what my role is in this, Javier. My dad was a crime boss, so it just makes sense. I'm a super-villain! It's evolution.

  Javier : Come on, just put those things down before you hurt somebody, Chris.

  Chris D'Amico : That's not my name.

  Javier : Okay, okay... uh, red-Red Mist.

  Chris D'Amico : No, Red Mist was my superhero name. Henceforth I'll be known as The Motherfucker!

• Javier : [referring to Mrs. D'Amico]  Damn she had a nice pair of guns.

  Chris D'Amico : Dude, she's dead! Don't talk about her tits.

  Javier : [holding pistols]  I was talking about these.

• Chris D'Amico : Anybody else want to be a super-villain? Promise I pay better than Chuck "little dick" Liddell!

• Chris D'Amico : That's super-villain territory! Or, as I like to call my little gang, the Toxic Mega-Cunts!

• Colonel Stars and Stripes : [to Eisenhower]  You have to stay in there till you calm down, you lunatic. Wonder what's bothering you.

  Mother Russia : I know. Tonight you die.

  Colonel Stars and Stripes : [draws gun]  Ladies first.

  Mother Russia : You will not shoot me. You are superhero. You help people. You do not hurt them.

  Chris D'Amico : That's super-villain territory; or, as I like to call my little gang, The Toxic Mega-Cunts.

  The Tumor : [waves]  Hi.

  Colonel Stars and Stripes : [takes gun; clicks; Mother Russia realizes it's empty]  Yeah, just like your head.

  Genghis Carnage : [Mother Russia overpowers Colonel, pulls out a machete and stabs him]  Yeah!

  The Tumor : Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

  [Mother Russia uses Colonel's coat to wipe his blood off her blade] 

  Chris D'Amico : I did my homework on you, Colonel. You used to be Sal Bertolinni, didn't you? Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day before you got born-again?

  Colonel Stars and Stripes : [dying]  I used to hangout with a lot of losers.

  Chris D'Amico : Is this how you thought you would die, Sal? Dressed like an idiot?

  Colonel Stars and Stripes : Who are you supposed to be?

  Chris D'Amico : I'm the Motherfucker, and I'm here to end Kick-Ass, not just kill him. I am going to shit on everything that he loved. Let's trash this place guys.

  [picks up mail statement] 

  Chris D'Amico : Miranda Swedlow. Who's that, Sal? She one of the whores on your team?

  [googles her name and matches her with her face on the poster] 

  Chris D'Amico : Night Bitch. All snuggled up to Kick-Ass. Looks like our boy's got a new hot pocket.

  Mother Russia : Want me to kill his dog?

  Chris D'Amico : The dog, Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil. Cut the old man's head off. You guys hungry? I'm starving. Let's go get some pizza.

  Mother Russia : Don't worry, I kill you first.

  [wraps legs around Colonel's neck] 

  Colonel Stars and Stripes : Justice Forever...

  [snaps neck; dies] 

• Chris D'Amico : [kicking Dave Lizewski in the ground]  No. No. People WANT to win the lottery, people WANT to fuck Scarlett Johansson. No one WANTS to risk their life so some moron can walk through the projects at night.

• Chris D'Amico : [laughs]  Oh, this is perfect. Are you really that stupid? There's two of you, and a whole army of us. Do you really have such a hard-on to die?

• Chris D'Amico : I'm here to end Kick-Ass.

• Chris D'Amico : [as a voice over]  Hello? Please, don't go. Don't go

  Chris D'Amico : [screaming in pain on a hospital bed and trying to get a sip of water]  Is anybody there?

  [leans forward for a sip of water but can't reach and falls back onto the bed] 

  Chris D'Amico : Some help please, a shark bit my fucking dick off and I can't get some water!

  [leans forward again to get a sip, but falls back onto the bed again] 

• Chris D'Amico : [coming up with a super-villain name for a black person on his team]  Black Death.

  Javier : Woah woah woah, don't you think that's just a little bit *incredibly* racist?