- Himself - Host: [to the camera] Hi my name is Zach Galifianakis, welcome to Between Two Ferns, with me today is "Timmy Kimballs", Jimmy thank you for joining me here
- Jimmy Kimmel: thanks for having me
- Himself - Host: you're a late-night talk show host, what's it like to be in the late night "business"?
- Jimmy Kimmel: I mean it's great, you know, it's like something I always wanted to do, I'd watch Letterman, it's really like a dream come true
- Himself - Host: have you ever farted on a Cocker Spaniel?
- Jimmy Kimmel: [shaking his head] no, I can't say that I have
- Himself - Host: do you want a beer?
- Jimmy Kimmel: thanks
- [as Zach reaches on the floor on right side of his chair and takes out a big glass bottle of beer and puts it closer to him on the table, takes out a smaller bottle of beer and puts it on the table closer to Jimmy]
- Jimmy Kimmel: [referring to bigger bottle of beer, Zach is trying to open it] it seems like that one was already open
- Jimmy Kimmel: thanks
- [opens Jimmy's beer with a bottle opener]
- Himself - Host: I thought we'd loosen up a little a bit
- Jimmy Kimmel: [after having a sip of beer] it's nice and warm, just the way I like it
- Himself - Host: [after taking off his socks by rubbing his feet together, referring to taking off his shoes and socks] you can't do that on your show?
- Jimmy Kimmel: [while Zach chugs his beer] yeah, I could, I mean there's no rule against it, it's not something I would do
- Himself - Host: [crossing his arms] your girlfriend Sarah Silverman, what's that like?
- Jimmy Kimmel: people always ask do you guys just crack each other up? they ask that all the time and that just gets tiring
- Himself - Host: [after chugging his beer, intentionally irritating him] you and Sarah, Sarah being a comedian, you guys just crack each other up at home and stuff?
- Jimmy Kimmel: [chuckles, rubs his chin]
- Himself - Host: I'd like to go to Long John Silvers and be shocked on how much the prices are, and just look at the cashier and say "only in New York"
- Jimmy Kimmel: [nods] uh huh
- Jimmy Kimmel: [amused] uh huh
- Himself - Host: maybe you and Sarah could do something like that?
- Jimmy Kimmel: yeah, well she doesn't like fish
- Himself - Host: [smirks, remains silent, stretches his legs]
- Jimmy Kimmel: what?
- Himself - Host: I know what that means
- Jimmy Kimmel: [confused] what?
- Himself - Host: [doubting him] yeah
- Himself - Host: [leans forward and taps on Jimmy's knee] that's good man "doesn't like fish"
- Himself - Host: there's a "been Affleck" thing you did
- Jimmy Kimmel: a what?
- Himself - Host: "been Affleck"
- Jimmy Kimmel: oh, Ben Affleck
- Himself - Host: [while grabbing onto his bottle of beer] how close did you get to Ben Affleck's lips?
- Jimmy Kimmel: I got pretty close to him
- Himself - Host: did you ever do takes when you're closer to his lips?
- Jimmy Kimmel: closer than the ones that were on the video?
- Himself - Host: yeah in the rehearsals and stuff
- Jimmy Kimmel: [amused] no
- Himself - Host: [leans forward, seductively] you got "girl lips"
- Jimmy Kimmel: [amused] thank you
- Himself - Host: [seductively] yeah, you're welcome
- Himself - Host: sorry, we gotta have a little word from our sponsor
- Barry the Banana Man: [camera points to a man in a life-size banana costume off screen] hi I'm Barry, from Barry's bananas, bananas so good, other "bananas" enjoy them
- Himself - Host: [to Jimmy] sorry
- Barry the Banana Man: our bananas are so delicious I guarantee you'll peel them a part
- Himself - Host: [shouts from his chair] Enough! This isn't "between two bananas"
- Himself - Host: [while going through his notes] he's going on and on about bananas
- Himself - Host: [to Jimmy] do you like bananas?
- [segment ends]