- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Last time you did an expense report for me, you reclassified my meals as livestock feed.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, that was a little childish.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I got audited.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, I guess that makes us even.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Entering] Great. Then I don't need to hear about it. Whatever it is.
- Abby Sciuto: [about McGee] I've had, um, problems with visitors so he was just being... overprotective.
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: About what? Your butt? He couldn't stop checking it out when your back was turned.
- Abby Sciuto: Really?
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: But I can see why you probably wanted to keep things casual.
- Abby Sciuto: And why is that?
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: What if he was the one? You're obviously married to your work. It's too soon to meet the one.
- [Abbey stops the music]
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: Are we done?
- Abby Sciuto: Yes. Very!
- [Elevator chimes. Gibbs starts to enter]
- Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, can you make him go away, please?
- [Tony admits to Ziva that he's shaken to learn that one of his ex-girlfriends attempted suicide after he broke up with her]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Maybe instead of having a mid-life crisis, I'm having a mid-life crazy.
- Ziva David: [turns him to face her] Look, you are not crazy, okay? You are just... growing up. And some lessons are more painful as we grow older, when the stakes are higher. But... you need to find balance. And yes, yes, yes, yes, *yes*, you need to treat people more respectfully, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But you need to be who you are.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who am I?
- Ziva David: You are... Tony DiNozzo. The class clown. That is why we love you.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [holding up turkey feather] Where'd this come from?
- Abby Sciuto: I ran the turkey's DNA through the nwat-fah-dih-nahd. It's the National Wild Turkey Federation DNA Database. They really need a new acronym.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Turkey DNA database?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Handing files to an agent] Get these down to Archives ASAP. They've been asking for them for 3 months.
- NCIS Agent: Okay.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Agent McGee. Probationary Agent David. Good morning.
- Ziva David: Looks like Tony.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Doesn't sound like him.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: If I am to maintain my proficiency when I'm doing psychological autopsies, I have to keep up with the latest cultural development.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: As long as you keep current on this case, Duck.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: Fear not. I may be new to social networking. But the Mallards invented multi-tasking.
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: [to Gibbs and Ziva] When you started flashing my photo - she's got the eyes of a killer and you, with that suit, I figured I was dead.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The old knife to the neck. Reminds me of...
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Reminds you of what? Reminds you of an old fraternity prank>? A Halloween movie?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I know what you're doing.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: And I know what you're doing!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What am I doing?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I don't know. But it's bugging me to such a deg-
- [Gibbs slaps the back of McGee's head]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I know what we're not doing.
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: [about the killer] I saw him at the hearing. Seems like a sad sorry guy. Kind of reminds me of you. Both live alone. No family.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Hey!
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: The same.
- [Looking at a family picture]
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: Look at her, you could tell she's got good taste. Never let you get away with a lumpy couch if she was still here. But seems like you're trying to make some changes. Some kind of home make over, cleaning up these magazines.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Look, Tony is a great investigator, don't get me wrong. But the closest he likes coming to filling out paperwork is renewing his Maxim subscription.
- Ziva David: I know. Which is why I'm growing so concerned.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You know what? Actually, I am too. He gave me half his french fries at lunch.
- Ziva David: One of us has to confront him.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: And tell him what? Why aren't you acting like a 14 year old anymore?
- Ziva David: I was going to say more like a 12 year old. But *yes*.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I know what your doing.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I know what your doing.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What am I doing?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I don't know.
- [Tony isn't acting like himself]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: There's a giant, feathered turkey laying in the fridge, and that's all you're gonna say?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What am I supposed to say?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well, I don't know. Maybe something like "What do turkeys eat on Christmas? Nothing, because they're already stuffed."
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You feeling alright?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah! Are you?
- Deputy DA Gail Walsh: Did you know that the majority of people meet their spouces at work?
- Ziva David: ...Huh? Not something I have high hopes for.
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: But you and Tony are...
- Ziva David: Enough! We're just friends. There's nothing different about him.
- P.O. Jerry Neisler: All right.
- Samuel Hayes: [to Matt Grey] Look, it's just a matter of time before the new DA refiles the charges, and I'll be back in court again. And you know what? I'll just save everyone the trouble and I'll plead guilty... Hell, I'll even sign the confession right now! And maybe we can just... pretend this never happened.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: We may have to settle for pretending *some* of it never happened.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I can talk to the DA.
- [at a bird hunting preserve]
- Ziva David: We have been to three parks already! The lead was thin enough to begin with! Perhaps Abby's sending us on a wild...
- [a hunter walks past them, carrying a dead goose]
- Ziva David: Oh, never mind!