Midsomer Murders (TV Series)

Death in the Slow Lane (2011)

Jason Hughes: DS Ben Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• DS Ben Jones : Poor kid. Still, family money, good lawyer, should see her right.

  DCI John Barnaby : Are you serious? She's lying through her perfect little teeth.

  DS Ben Jones : Really?

  DCI John Barnaby : Yes!

  DS Ben Jones : Well, she seemed genuine to me.

  DCI John Barnaby : That is because she is a pretty girl, and you are a young man and your brains are still in your trousers.

  DS Ben Jones : Thank you, sir.

  DCI John Barnaby : I, on the other hand, being a dessicated old goat, don't fall for that crapola for one second.

  DS Ben Jones : Oh, good.

• [Jones catches Barnaby talking to his dog about the murder case] 

  DCI John Barnaby : Ah, Jones. Can I help?

  DS Ben Jones : [diffidently]  Sorry, I thought you were talking to someone.

  DCI John Barnaby : I was talking to this dog. He's a Sprechhund - that's German for a dog you talk to.

• [last lines] 

  [SPOILER ALERT!] 

  [DCI Barnaby confronts the murderer who strings him up from the rafters of a barn and prepares to kill him. DS Jones gets there just in the nick of time and pushes the murderer to the floor] 

  DCI John Barnaby : Ahem.

  DS Ben Jones : [Jones looks upwards and sees Barnaby. He suppresses a smirk]  Oh.

  DCI John Barnaby : Have you killed him?

  [Jones checks for a pulse] 

  DS Ben Jones : No.

  DCI John Barnaby : Good.

  DS Ben Jones : Should I, uh...

  [Jones mimes taking photographs] 

  DCI John Barnaby : Get me down?

  DS Ben Jones : You know, I should get some photos of the crime scene.

  DCI John Barnaby : Not if you ever want to have children.

  [later, Barnaby and Jones are walking to the car] 

  DCI John Barnaby : Tom said you were the right stuff.

  DS Ben Jones : Thank you, Sir.

  DCI John Barnaby : Of course, if word of my, um, "suspension" ever gets out...

  DS Ben Jones : Oh I don't suppose it will, Sir.

  DCI John Barnaby : Good.

  DS Ben Jones : Not while my career maintains its steady upward trajectory.

  [they both chuckle] 

• DCI John Barnaby : It isn't always the poor preying on the rich. Sometimes the water runs uphill.

  DS Ben Jones : Sorry?

  DCI John Barnaby : Lao-tzu. He founded Taoism.

  DS Ben Jones : Not around here, he didn't.

• DCI John Barnaby : I hate coincidences.

  DS Ben Jones : So did your predecessor.

  DCI John Barnaby : Right. He taught me: John, if it smells...

  DS Ben Jones : it's probably off.

• DS Ben Jones : The DCI was on holiday so I was running things.

  DCI John Barnaby : Tom took a holiday?

  DS Ben Jones : Joyce threatened him.

• DS Ben Jones : Are you interested in classic cars, sir?

  DCI John Barnaby : Only if it's got a flashing light and gets me home quickly,

• DS Ben Jones : [after Jessica has shown them both a dvd of her having sex]  I feel terrible. I virtually told her she was a slag.

  DCI John Barnaby : Well, we all can't be sensitive, caring, and diplomatic. Sometimes we're just woodentops.

• DCI John Barnaby : Phones are quiet.

  DS Ben Jones : After five, sir. Villains are having their tea now. Get back to work later.

• DS Ben Jones : [to Barnaby about the school]  The place isn't too bad. Only a handful of idiots.