Kickassia (2010 Video)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, Spider Smith, Chester A. Bum, Ask That Guy With the Glasses, Dominic

Photos 

Quotes 

• That Chick With The Goggles : [over the phone]  Hello. That Chick With The Goggles.

  Nostalgia Critic : Goggles? It's time.

  That Chick With The Goggles : It is?

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes. We are taking over Molossia!

  That Chick With The Goggles : We're taking over Molossia?

  Nostalgia Critic : I know, right? So get your stuff together and come down to...

  That Chick With The Goggles : Oh, by the way, this has been an answering machine the whole time. Leave your message after the beep.

• Cinema Snob : The point I'm trying to get across is fuck you!

  Nostalgia Critic : Fuck you!

  Cinema Snob : Fuck YOU!

  Nostalgia Critic : Fuck YOU!

  JewWario : Oh, won't somebody think of the children?

• Nostalgia Critic : Why do they always want to do it the hard way?

• [repeated line] 

  Nostalgia Critic : It's time.

• Nostalgia Critic : [over the phone]  Hello?

  The Spoony One : Yeah, it's 3:22 PM.

  Nostalgia Critic : What?

  The Spoony One : I thought you were asking what time it was.

  Nostalgia Critic : No, I'm telling you it is time!

  The Spoony One : Yeah, and that time is 3:22 PM.

• Nostalgia Critic : [over the phone]  Cinema Snob?

  Cinema Snob : Guilty as charged.

  Nostalgia Critic : Any chance you got Sean's number?

  Cinema Snob : Your mom has Sean's number.

  Nostalgia Critic : Shut up.

• Nostalgia Critic : [over the phone]  Can you hear me?

  Angry Joe : Yes.

  Nostalgia Chick : Yes.

  Phelous : Yes.

  Cinema Snob : No. I mean yes.

• Nostalgia Critic : Don't make us review you.

• Nostalgia Critic : Is it just me or does this tea smell a little, um... poison-y?

• Nostalgia Critic : And so, it is the ruling of this court that you be found guilty for the crimes against our government. All in favor, say 'aye'. Aye. All opposed?

  The Spoony One , Linkara , Angry Joe , Nostalgia Chick , Phelous , MarzGurl , Bennett the Sage , 8-Bit Mickey , Benzaie : Nay!

  Nostalgia Critic : [sing-songy]  Too bad I'm in charge! Guilty!

• Dr. Insano : Ahahahahaha!

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, hey! You gave into the madness. That's awesome.

• Dr. Insano : Whatever happened to the purity of unarmed combat?

  Nostalgia Critic : This is just superconductory electromagnetism. Certainly you've heard of it. It levitates bullet trains from Tokyo to Osaka. It will levitate my rocket chair once it finally arrives. And it also levitates... me.

  Nostalgia Critic : [levitates] 

  Dr. Insano : You do realize you're just standing on your tippy toes, don't you?

  [beat] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [zaps Dr. Insano] 

• Dr. Insano : Your superconductory electromagnetism is no match for my science!

  Nostalgia Critic : It is science!

  Dr. Insano : But I'm science-ier!

• Nostalgia Critic : Knock knock.

  Dr. Insano : Who's there?

  Nostalgia Critic : GUN!

• Dr. Insano : Surrender!

  Nostalgia Critic : No!

  Dr. Insano : Alright, I just thought I'd give it a shot.

• Nostalgia Critic : Et tu, Film Brain?

  Film Brain : Sorry, Critic, but you killed one Santa Christ too many.

• Ask That Guy With the Glasses : Hold it!

  MarzGurl : What do you want?

  Ask That Guy With the Glasses : Oh nothing, just wanted to make my cameo. Bye.

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello, um, because my team cannot run a nation

  [is bumped] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I mean, *I* can't run a nation, we've decided to give the nation back to you. So you can... own Molossia again.

  Baron Fritz von Baugh : Wasn't mine to begin with.

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh Christ, well when you "see" the president, like when he shows up, can you tell him that Molossia is his again?

  Baron Fritz von Baugh : I will relay the message.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, you do that, you twat.

• Nostalgia Critic : [answering phone]  Hello?

  Angry Joe : I'm behind you one hundred and ten percent, Critic! Any Chik-Fil-A's refusing to serve us delicious nuggets on Sundays from here on out shall be blown sky high!

  Nostalgia Critic : What are you talking about?

  Angry Joe : Wait, what are YOU talking about?

  Nostalgia Critic : The invasion of Molossia!

  Angry Joe : ...What is Molossia?

• 8-Bit Mickey : We could use Handsome Tom's head for a battering ram.

  Handsome Tom : Hey!

  Nostalgia Critic : Nah, his head's too soft.

  Handsome Tom : Hey!

• Nostalgia Critic : Do you dare leave now in your moment of victory?

  Film Brain : [spacey, adoring grin]  I would never leave you, Critic!

  Nostalgia Critic : [mildly creeped out]  I know that Film Brain.

  [Awkwardly pushes him away] 

• Nostalgia Critic : First we take Molossia, and then... the neighbors down the street. And then their neighbors, and then their neighbors, and then their neighbors! Until we build a military force so gigantic that *nobody* would be able to stop us! And then we go global! First we start with Texas. Then Canada. Then France! And then whatever other nation stands in our way! And then...

  JewWario : Pudding?

  Nostalgia Critic : The world!

• Dr. Insano : Sorry, Critic. But your reign of terror is at an end. Now, a *new* reign of terror begins! *My* reign of terror!

  [he laughs maniacally] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Alright, you beaker-sucking bozo. You want a piece of me? Well, you've got it.

• Nostalgia Critic : [holding a detonation device]  Need I remind you that there are twenty tons of dynamite under this nation?

  Cinema Snob : Uh, joke's on you, moron. I disconnected the dynamite after I left. You push that thing and nothing happens.

  Nostalgia Critic : I don't believe you! I push this button and we all get blown SKY HIGH!

  [everyone just stares at him] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Very well. For the honor and all of KICKASSIA!

  [the Critic pushes a button on the device, but nothing happens; he becomes quite nervous] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [weakly]  ... Kaboom!

  [suddenly, he screams as everyone rushes him and starts beating him to a pulp] 

• Nostalgia Critic : Alright people, this is the moment you've been waiting for! Bravery will be rewarded! Destinies will be revealed! And the honor of a new nation will be born! A nation which I will declare: KICKASSIA!

• Nostalgia Critic : I've wanted this place for a long time and now that I got it, I'm not going to let anyone take it away from me. I discovered that the world is filled with nasty-wasties, and a lot of those nasty-wasties want what I got. So, if any of them try to take away what I have, I'm not afraid to go down with the ship and take everybody with me. But that's just if one of those nasty-wasties shows up. Or if someone in this beloved nation of mine is a nasty-wasty. What do you say, Cinema Snob? You're not one of those nasty-wasties, are you?

  Cinema Snob : No, of course not.

  Nostalgia Critic : Good. I'm glad we had this talk. Take care.

• Cinema Snob : You're out of order, they're out of order! The whole system is out of order!

  Nostalgia Critic : I am the system!

  Cinema Snob : I know you're the system! That's my point!

  Nostalgia Critic : I know it's your point! It's just when you say that I'm out of order and the system's out of order it's kind of redundant!

• Nostalgia Critic : Can I get some cream in my tea?

  Nostalgia Chick : Cream just makes your penis smaller. Now drink your tea.

• Nostalgia Critic : Cinema Snob, do you have anything to say before I sentence you to your... sentence?

  Cinema Snob : Oh, I got something to say.

  Nostalgia Critic : Well make it quick, I don't want to miss Gilligan.

  Cinema Snob : When I helped build Kickassia, I had a dream of freedom, justice and honor. But now I see it has been shattered by the dumbass cock-face that sits across from me. You really know how to put the 'dick' in dictatorship.

• Nostalgia Critic : May your honor be stricken forever. May your name always be associated with douchebaggery. And may you walk, until you walk no more. Go! And never return.

  Cinema Snob : Okay, I'm going to catch a cab. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the hotel down the street.

• Linkara : You just killed Santa Christ!

  Nostalgia Critic : You all saw it. He came at me with a chainsaw.

• Sean , Mike J , Guru Larry , That Chick With The Goggles , Coldguy , Little Miss Gamer , Lanipator , KaiserNeko , Dominic , The Last Angry Geek : I believe in Santa Christ!

• Nostalgia Critic : Do I have to start paying you so I can cut your wages?

• Nostalgia Critic : You know, I expected Kickassia to kick a little more ass than this.

• Nostalgia Critic : Wait! I have an idea!

  Phelous : Really? What is it?

  Nostalgia Critic : The idea... involves...

  Phelous : You.

  Nostalgia Critic : Me... um...

  Phelous : Getting.

  Nostalgia Critic : Getting... I... uh...

  Phelous : Your ass kicked.

  Nostalgia Critic : My ass kicked. Me getting my ass kicked. Oh, wait.

  Phelous : Too late.

• Nostalgia Critic : Cinema Snob, how dare you return from your banishmentdome.

  Cinema Snob : That was the old order. This is the new order.

  Nostalgia Critic : New order?

  Cinema Snob : Yes, one that's been coming to you for a long time.

• Nostalgia Critic : Joe and Linkara have gone crazy with violence. Destroy them until they're nothing but rubble!

• Rollo T : [interviewing The Nostalgia Critic who is dressed like M. Bison]  Mr. Critic, would you say your diabolical plan is to... take over the world?

  Nostalgia Critic : Naturally!

  Rollo T : Well, then, would your say your plan is to one day conquer the galaxy?

  Nostalgia Critic : Eventually!

  Rollo T : Oh, Mr. Critic, do you some day plan on being bigger than God?

  Nostalgia Critic : Of... That question you can definitely say yes to.

  Rollo T : Say, Critic... Do you get a lot of pussy with that outfit?

  Nostalgia Critic : Of course!

• Nostalgia Critic , The Spoony One , Linkara , Angry Joe , Nostalgia Chick , Phelous , MarzGurl , Bennett the Sage , Benzaie , JewWario : I believe in Santa Christ.

• [repeated line] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Damn it, Ma-Ti.

• Nostalgia Critic : [getting beaten]  I never even got... my rocket chair.

• Nostalgia Critic : I mean, haven't you ever wanted to rule your own nation?

  JewWario : Does Sim City count?

• Chester A. Bum : Long live Kickassia!

  [cannon shell explodes at his feet] 

  Chester A. Bum : Okay, I'm goin'.

  [turns around and runs away] 

• Nostalgia Critic : A gentleman never tells. But I can give you a hint. It involves... killing.

• Nostalgia Critic : So, you like being 3D?

  Lee : Oh, yes. I do.

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, tell me how these feel.

  [knees Lee in the groin] 

• Nostalgia Critic : It's okay, I booked everybody a hotel room.

  [Cut to a shot of everyone crammed inside a hotel room] 

  Phelous : Well gee, I didn't see that one coming.

• Nostalgia Critic : Pain is just God's way of telling you to try harder!

• Nostalgia Critic : I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I get a feeling that none of you are gonna have a hard time remembering this

• [last lines] 

  Narrator : Did they not learn that it was theirs to suffer the slings and arrows of of outrageous fortune? Did they not discover that Diamonds Are Forever but Tomorrow Never Dies? Did they not recall the old Klingon proverb, that revenge is a dish Best Served Cold? Did they not learn as conquerers once before that all is fair in love and war?

  [Nostalgia Critic draw his gun and shoots the narrator] 

  Narrator : Ow...

  Nostalgia Critic : No.

• Nostalgia Critic : [to Nostalgia Chick]  You're the only one that can keep the Nostalgia name alive... mostly because it's in your name.

• Phelous : Hey guys, uh, I got a idea. This might seem like a shot in the dark, but what if we'd just used weapons?

  Nostalgia Critic : Nah, nah, it's a terrible idea.

  [beat] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait! I have an idea!

  Phelous : Gee, does it involve using weapons?

  Nostalgia Critic : It involves using weapons!

• Nostalgia Critic : My friends, this is indeed a great day. We have given birth to a new nation!

  Everyone : Yay!

  Nostalgia Critic : And there will be government. Rules. And a new democracy to live by!

  Linkara : Why a democracy?

  Nostalgia Critic : Because I say so. And I will be your president!

  Everyone : Yay!

  Nostalgia Critic : Nostalgia Chick will be vice president!

  Everyone : Yay!

  Nostalgia Critic : And the rest we'll figure out at another time!

  Film Brain : Another time!

  Nostalgia Critic : And as my first order as your president. I shall build a table. A round table so that everyone can look at each other in the eye.

  Nostalgia Chick : Hmm. That's a good idea. It's like everyone's equal.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes! And I shall be elevated above you in a rocket chair! A magnificent rocket chair so I can look down on all of you and see just how equal we all are!

  Everyone : [unenthusiastically]  Yay.

  Nostalgia Critic : Make yourselves comfortable, everybody, for we have given birth to the greatest nation ever known! We have given birth TO KICKASSIA!

• Phelous : Well, *that* didn't work.

  Bennett the Sage : Didn't you have any other strategy outside of going, "Aaaaaaahhhhh!"

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, I didn't think that far ahead.

  Cinema Snob : No, you just thought up to where everyone was in charge, and *you* were ruling the fucking world.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes.

  Paw : You can't just do that, Critic. You have to plan these things out. You have to have a strategy for God's sake!

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, but that takes hard work. Hard work that we do not have!

• Nostalgia Critic : People. What may start as just a small acre of land, will blossom into something larger than any of us can possibly imagine!

  Linkara : [sarcastically]  Yeah, like *two* acres of land!

  Nostalgia Critic : You know, there's another group of people that thought like you, Linkara. There were called Nazis! They were close-minded, hate filled people who just wanted everything their way! Are you a Nazi, Linkara?

  Linkara : No.

  Nostalgia Critic : Are you a Nazi, Linkara?

  Linkara : No!

  Nostalgia Critic : Cause I don't want any Nazis around here!

  Linkara : No! I'm not a Nazi!

  [Everyone stares at him accusingly] 

  Linkara : I'm not! I'm not! I'm not a Nazi!

  Nostalgia Critic : Good. Now let me tell you about a group of people that didn't give up. They were called Nazis! They had a crazy plan, too. Everybody thought they were nuts. But you know what? They got pretty far, didn't they? Cause they were dedicated.

  Everyone : Yeah!

  Nostalgia Critic : And strong!

  Everyone : Yeah!

  Nostalgia Critic : A lot of people said they were crazy!

  Everyone : Ehhhhh.

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, everybody says that we're crazy, so that gives us a better advantage, doesn't it?

  Everyone : YEAH!