- Marc Summers: Welcome back to "Unwrapped". You know, nearly everyone has enjoyed an ice cream sundae on a hot day, but the origins of this tasty treat may just surprise you. It's commonly accepted that the sundae was invented in Evanston, Illinois, circa 1890. We went to Dr. Peter Yarbrough for the real scoop.
- Dr. Peter Yarbrough: Here's how fucking dumb these fuckheads in Illinois were. The ice cream soda had just been invented; teenagers liked them. So these fucking religious numbnuts sat around jacking off in church all day thinking about how much they just hated teenagers, and decided - true fucking story, people - that God therefore must hate ice cream sodas. That's right! These Illinois fucknuts concluded that God, creator of the infinite universe who probably had a trillion fucking better things to do, actually had an opinion about motherfucking ice cream sodas! So the state of Illinois banned ice cream sodas on Sundays. You know, so I guess God wouldn't make it rain crickets or some ridiculous fucking horseshit! Long story short, every Sunday, the fucking ice cream stores, they'd just - ta-da! - they'd just leave out the soda part! And these Illinois fucks, they just sat around, jacked off, thinking about how much they had pleased their invisible master who lives on a fucking flying cloud, or wherever the fuck he lives! That's how ice cream sundaes were invented - dumb fucking Illinois assholes!
- Marc Summers: Up next... Skittles!
- Dr. Peter Yarbrough: Oh, fucking Skittles!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [at the Krusty Krab] Krabby Patties are made out of crabs!
- [customers gasp, as one customer retches]
- Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] Everybody knows Krabby Patties are me family's secret recipe, boy.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Then explain this!
- [holds a box of crab legs]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You said you fired Carl the night janitor, but this is his tattoo!
- [holds crab leg that says "Born 2 Lose"]
- Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob] You little yellow bastard! I treated you like a son, me boy!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It's not just crabs!
- [looks over to Squidward]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, those calamari rings are squid!
- [Squidward vomits]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: And your Chicken-of-the-Sea salad? Ha! Tuna! Chicken-of-the-Sea is TUNA!
- [a customer pushes away her bowl. Everyone surrounds Mr. Krabs]
- Fish #1: You fed us to us?
- Fish #2: Are we paying you to kill us?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You're disgusting.
- Mr. Krabs: No! I'm the last honest man in Bikini Bottom! We're all animals, boys and girls. Eating each other is what nature intended.
- [Everyone except SpongeBob start to beat up Mr. Krabs]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [sighs] I'm just glad nothing disgusting ever happens to a sponge.
- [a very fat man sits on a bed with a nurse]
- Nurse: Okay, just got to scrub deep within your rolls of fat, and we're done.
- [the nurse starts scrubbing the man with a sponge. SpongeBob pushes the scene aside]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I SAID, "NOTHING DISGUSTING EVER HAPPENS TO A SPONGE!"
- Nurse: [splat] Oh, I hope that's pudding in there.