- PJ Duncan: [Recording Charlie on his keyboard] OK, Charlie, what do you say when you get in trouble?
- Charlie Duncan: Uh-oh.
- Amy Duncan: Oh, Charlie just made an uh-oh? I just changed you!
- PJ Duncan: No Charlie didn't do anything. I'm just sampling her.
- Amy Duncan: [Looks confused]
- PJ Duncan: Sampling means I'm recording all the words she says so I can play them back.
- Amy Duncan: Oh! Oh, we used to do that. We called it tape recording.
- Charlie Duncan: [On PJ's keyboard] Bye bye. B-b-b-b-bye bye.
- Bob Duncan: [On his way to teach Teddy how to drive] What's that?
- PJ Duncan: Just in case you don't make it back.
- Gabe Duncan: What did I just walk into?
- PJ Duncan: Mom says we have to buy Teddy a birthday present.
- Gabe Duncan: What about a dog? I bet she'd like a dog.
- Amy Duncan: I'm serious. You have to get her something.
- Gabe Duncan: What about a dog? I bet she'd like a dog.
- Amy Duncan: [Thinks] Gabe, is there a dog in my house?
- Gabe Duncan: [Dog barks from the living room] Maybe.
- Bob Duncan: [to the dog, after arguing with Teddy] Hey. You're on my side, right?
- Bob Duncan: [pause, then realizes he's never seen this dog before] Honey?
- Amy Duncan: Yeah?
- Bob Duncan: Why am I talking to a dog?
- Bob Duncan: Hey, you know something? He kinda reminds me of your uncle Stan.
- Amy Duncan: What?
- Bob Duncan: No, take a look. The wet nose? The bloodshot eyes?
- Amy Duncan: Come on! He...
- [pause]
- Amy Duncan: Oh, now I see it.
- PJ Duncan: I have a friend who's turning 16 and I have to buy her a birthday present.
- Teddy Duncan: Mmm... well, I know your friend wouldn't want a sock puppet.
- PJ Duncan: OK. Well, what would she want?
- Teddy Duncan: Well, um, she'd probably like boots. Like, like that cool store at the mall? But not the black ones with the purple trim. She already has those.
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, uh, Mrs Dabney. Before you go, um, I need some more practice hours before I take my driver's test, so if you ever need a chauffeur, I'm your girl.
- Mrs. Dabney: [Whips out her keys] Let's go.
- Teddy Duncan: [pause] Right now?
- Mrs. Dabney: I've got a bunch of errands to run. And if you drive, I can play Word Jumble on my cell phone. Actually, I do that anyway, but this way it's legal.
- PJ Duncan: [Holds a pair of girl boots] Here. Try these on.
- Gabe Duncan: No! I'm not putting on girl boots.
- PJ Duncan: Oh, come on! It'll look good with that girl shirt you're wearing!
- Gabe Duncan: [Referring to his T-shirt picture] It's not a pony! It's a stallion!
- PJ Duncan: [Teasing Gabe, who's walking in girl boots at a shoe store] Wow! Those do wonders for your legs!
- Gabe Duncan: OK! That's enough!
- Gabe Duncan: [His feet are stuck in women's boots] What are we gonna do?
- PJ Duncan: There's only one thing to do.
- Gabe Duncan: Who are you calling?
- PJ Duncan: No, I'm taking a picture of you in girl boots!
- Teddy Duncan: We should probably stop for gas.
- Mrs. Dabney: In this car, you can drive 100 miles on empty. I'll tell you when we need gas.
- [about an hour later, the car breaks down in the mountains]
- Mrs. Dabney: *Now* we need gas!
- Gabe Duncan: [Walking home with girl boots stuck on his feet] Mom, we've got a problem!
- Amy Duncan: Oh, you sure do! Those boots do not go with those shorts!
- Teddy Duncan: Does any of this look familiar?
- Mrs. Dabney: Looks like the same road we drove down ten minutes ago.
- Teddy Duncan: What, so I'm just going in circles and you didn't want to say anything?
- Mrs. Dabney: I thought my annoyed silence was speaking volumes.
- Teddy Duncan: [Filming video for Charlie] Big news is I got my drivers' licence, which means I now have total freedom to go wherever I want.
- Amy Duncan: Teddy, I need you to pick up some things at the store.
- Bob Duncan: And while you're out, the car needs gas.
- PJ Duncan: And pick up Gabe, just 'cause I don't want to.
- Teddy Duncan: Dad, you promised you'd take me driving today.
- Bob Duncan: To be fair, I promise a lot of things I don't deliver on.
- Amy Duncan: PJ, what d'you get Teddy for her birthday?
- PJ Duncan: Birthday?
- Amy Duncan: Your sister's turning 16. We're having a surprise party for her tonight.
- PJ Duncan: Well, it's working 'cause I'm surprised!
- Amy Duncan: The party starts at 7. You have to get her a present - and something nice.
- PJ Duncan: How about...
- Amy Duncan: Not another sock puppet!
- Teddy Duncan: Mom, dad says I can't get my license.
- Amy Duncan: What? Why not?
- Bob Duncan: Because she's not ready.
- Teddy Duncan: Well, my driving instructor thinks I am. He says I'm doing great.
- Bob Duncan: The man works for the public schools! He's got nothing to live for!
- Teddy Duncan: Mom, can you say something?
- Amy Duncan: Teddy, honey, I'm sorry, but your father has a very small area of authority... and unfortunately for you, teaching you kids to drive is part of it.
- Bob Duncan: So what else is in that area?
- Amy Duncan: Barbecuing. That's it.
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, hi Mrs Dabney.
- Mrs. Dabney: I see you people have a dog now.
- Teddy Duncan: [Thinking it's an insult] Oh, I'm doing fine, thanks. How are you?
- Mrs. Dabney: Let me explain something to you. Your dog makes my cat nervous. And whne my cat gets nervous, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, Mr Dabney gets nervous.
- Teddy Duncan: Then what happens?
- Mrs. Dabney: Mr Dabney goes to stay with his mother... so this dog thing is not entirely bad. All right! We're done here!
- Gabe Duncan: So, what's Teddy's shoe size?
- PJ Duncan: I don't know.
- Gabe Duncan: You don't know her shoe size?
- PJ Duncan: I don't know her middle name!
- PJ Duncan: [Trying to pull girl boots off Gabe's feet] Why are your feet so fat?
- Gabe Duncan: They're not fat! They're husky!
- Mrs. Dabney: Light's not getting any greener.
- Teddy Duncan: No, I, I know. But the car in front of me hasn't moved yet.
- Mrs. Dabney: Here's a quick driving lesson.
- [Honks horn]
- Mrs. Dabney: Wake up, grandpa!
- Teddy Duncan: [to the other driver] Sorry! That was her, not me!
- [to Mrs. Dabney, after being flipped the bird]
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, look! Grandpa's telling us we're number one!
- Mrs. Dabney: No, he's not! He's...
- Teddy Duncan: I know what he's doing!
- Amy Duncan: [to her dog] No, you're a good dog. I'm gonna call you Sweetie Pie, cos you da Sweetie Pie!
- Charlie Duncan: Mommy.
- Amy Duncan: Charlie, not now!
- PJ Duncan: Great cake, mom.
- Amy Duncan: I got it at the store.
- PJ Duncan: I know. That's why I said "Great cake, mom".