30 Rock (TV Series)

I Heart Connecticut (2011)

Alec Baldwin: Jack Donaghy

Quotes 

• Jenna Maroney : Me, my ass double, and a drill that once appeared on "Home Improvement" are currently starring in a feature film called "Take My Hand."

  Jack Donaghy : Really? Years ago, Universal had a project by that name. It was a romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey.

  Jenna Maroney : Reese Witherspoon is just a likable version of me.

  Jack Donaghy : Then she dropped out and it was re-written as a buddy comedy with Dempsey and Josh Hartnett. But everyone fell asleep during the table read. So we moved it over to Telemundo, where they tried to turn it into a variety show hosted by a supermodel and a soccer ball with a mustache...

  Jenna Maroney : I met that soccer ball once at a no-hands-allowed sex party.

  Jack Donaghy : Then, after another round of re-writes, it was picked up by our low-budget thriller/high-budget porno division, SplatterFlicks. And now it's a horror movie starring

  [reads from his computer] 

  Jack Donaghy : "any blonde actress."

  Jenna Maroney : Thank you.

• Jenna Maroney : Jack, can we talk? One ten to another.

  Jack Donaghy : I'm an eleven, but continue.

• Jack Donaghy : [Jack explains to Liz what's wrong with TV]  Fifteen million dollars - so far - developing a show called "Who Nose?" about an investigative reporter who can't smell, and has to get the story using only his eyes, ears, and other senses...

  Jake Hu : [Cut to a scene from the "Who Nose?" pilot]  You underestimated me, Congressman, because I can't smell. But you made one mistake: you let me *see* the documents.