South Park (TV Series)
HUMANCENTiPAD (2011)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Waiter, Apple Employee #1, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Japanese Man, Steve Jobs, Dr. Phil, Man in Audience #1, Genius Leslie, Rescuer, News Reporter, Reporter
Photos
Quotes
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Eric Cartman : Mama, please can we go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?
Liane Cartman : No.
Eric Cartman : Well, then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been... FUCKED!
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Japanese Man : So sorry, Kyle, but I am starving. Which would you rather I eat? Should I eat a cuttlefish and asparagus or the vanilla paste-o?
Kyle Broflovski : [muffled] Vanilla paste! Vanilla paste!
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Stan Marsh : We're trying to find out exactly what Kyle agreed to.
Gerald Broflovski : There can't be anything in that agreement that allows a company to do what they're talking about to Kyle.
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Eric Cartman : It does email and web browsing and it shits in Kyle's mouth? This is the greatest thing that has ever been invented!
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Gerald Broflovski : Well, that does it! I'm going to the police.
Stan Marsh : For what?
Gerald Broflovski : To find out where Apple is keeping my son.
Stan Marsh : Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple.
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[last lines, everyone leaves as Steve Jobs has Kyle separated from his two victims]
Eric Cartman : Hey! Hey, what is this! Some sort of sick prank? I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away?
[looks up at the sky]
Eric Cartman : [innocent tone] Why did you do this to me, God? Next time you're gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey? 'Cause I like to get lubed up...
[his tone changes to total fury]
Eric Cartman : ... before I get FUCKED! Huh? Some lube would be nice, or at least a courtesy lick, God! How about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to FUCK me!
[without warning, a bolt of lightning hits Cartman, the screen suddenly goes black, the final scene shows Cartman recuperated in a hospital bed with injuries and burns, he cries as Liane sits by his side and just reads her book]