Gossip Girl (TV Series)

Despicable B (2012)

Kelly Rutherford: Lily van der Woodsen

Quotes 

• Rufus Humphrey : Apparently you had a dinner here tonight... so I read from a news feed about having your own sister arrested.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Carol hurt this family with her scam with Ivy too badly for her to just get away with it. She had it comming for a long time.

  Rufus Humphrey : You sound just like your mother.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Well, I'll take that as a compliment. My mother would have done anything to preserve our family name in high society.

  Rufus Humphrey : Right, and no matter what the actually consequences to actual family members. I'll bet you even paid off that nurse to testify against Ivy in court today so that she would lose her case. Now with Carol out of the picture, you are the sole heir to your mother's wealth and power. You manipulated everything to your own advantage after I bluntly told you not to.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : So what if I did? Wouldn't you do anything to protect your family?

  Rufus Humphrey : No, I wouldn't. Not this low and underhanded way. I thought we'd grow old together, but if this is the person who you want to be... then I don't want to have anything to do with it.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Rufus, are you saying you'd like a divorce? Because where exactly are you going to find some other wealthy Upper East Side woman to take care of you the way I have? Not to mention, I now have the money and resources to take everything away from you... including that loft in Brooklyn you love so much.

  Rufus Humphrey : Spoken like a true Rhodes. The evil spirit of CeCe does live within you. You just made my decision for us to spend more time apart much easier.

• William Van Der Woodsen : [into a phone]  I did as you asked. I tricked Carol into signing over her half of the Rhodes estate to me. So, I'll sign Carol's half of the estate over to you when I get back to the apartment.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : [into a phone]  Good. We both know that Carol does not deserve any part of my mother's money, and getting it away from her is the least you deserve for what I found out about you two today.

  William Van Der Woodsen : I can understand you leaving Carol to rot in jail and you tricking Ivy with a bribe into helping you, but you are going to take care of Lola, right? That was the deal.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : What kind of a monster do you think I am? Do you think that just because she's a product of one of your many extramarial affairs that I would punish Lola by cutting her out too? I wouldn't do that.

  William Van Der Woodsen : Why is it that I don't believe you?

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : [smirks]  See you soon.

• Lily Van Der Woodsen : Nothing ruins a family reputation faster than a money fight.

• Lily Van Der Woodsen : Well, in the spirit of the evening, I've decided to serve tonight's meal family-style.

  Serena van der Woodsen : Mom, this is so unlike you. You hate anything family-style.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Yes, well, I've *since* realized how important sharing is in a family dynamic.

  [speaking for David's benefit:] 

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Us Van der Woodsens share more than you can possibly imagine.

  Carol Rhodes : Yeah, like when you used to steal my leg warmers when we were teenagers.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Yeah, just like that. Or when you stole my husband and decided to have a baby with him behind my back.

  Charlie 'Lola' Rhodes : Oh my God.

  [looks down] 

  Serena van der Woodsen : Mom, why are you doing this now? I think David's seen enough family bonding for one evening.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : No, please, Serena, let him stay. I don't want there to be any more secrets.

  Carol Rhodes : [to William]  Why did you tell Lillian?

  William Van Der Woodsen : I never said a word.

  Carol Rhodes : Lola was never supposed to know about this.

  Charlie 'Lola' Rhodes : Or maybe if you didn't want me to know, you shouldn't have blackmailed him.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : And if it wasn't bad enough that you slept with my husband all those years ago, and left your daughter in the dark about her father's identity, then you send an *impostor* into my home to get money.

  Carol Rhodes : Yeah, you know what? I don't have to listen to this any longer.

  [throws her napkin onto the table] 

  Carol Rhodes : I got what I came here for. My half of the inheritance, and I'm...

  [gets up] 

  Carol Rhodes : leaving.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : It's not exactly that easy. Gentlemen...

  [two NY policemen appear] 

  Carol Rhodes : What's going on?

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : You're being arrested for fraud.

  Carol Rhodes : Ivy is the one who committed fraud, not me.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : But you're the one who put her up to it, so that kinda makes you the mastermind behind the whole thing.

  [David takes notes] 

  Carol Rhodes : Well, unfortunately for you, Ivy would never admit that to anyone, otherwise she would incriminate herself in the process!

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Ivy?

  Ivy Dickens : [appears]  Actually, I've already given my statement. And in exchange for ratting you out... I got off Scot-free.

  [Serena closes her eyes] 

  Gossip Girl : Uh-oh, Carol. Dinner's over, and it looks like Ivy just served you your last supper.

• Charlie 'Lola' Rhodes : You realize this isn't just hurting my Mom, it's hurting me too!

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : Your mother deserves to be punished. She defrauded all of us and we should have done this months ago.

  Carol Rhodes : You know, don't listen to her, Lola, this has nothing to do with fraud. This is all because I slept with her husband two decades ago. Here's the thing, Lily, I never would have *been* with William in the first place *if* he were happy with you.

  Lily Van Der Woodsen : [to the police escorting Carol away]  One tip. If you want things to go smoothly in the jail, put her in solitary.

  Charlie 'Lola' Rhodes : [to Lily]  You know, maybe my Mom was right keeping me from coming here, because the truth doesn't help any.

  William Van Der Woodsen : Lola, wait. Let me take you home. You know, I never meant for any of this to happen, right?

  Serena van der Woodsen : Oh, wow, what's next? Are you gonna walk her down the aisle?

  [scoffs, goes off]