It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties (2011)

Danny DeVito: Frank Reynolds

Quotes 

• Frank Reynolds : [overheard by children and their parents on a mic system]  I got a question about you morticians. You bang the dead bodies? I imagine stuff like that goes on all the time. I mean, I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead! Oh shit! Is my mic on?

• Frank Reynolds : [introducing himself to a group of parents who have gathered at Paddy's Pub to enter their children in a pageant]  I know some of you may have heard about that other guy... I am not gonna diddle your kids. I'm not like that; that's not my thing. I met that guy in a titty bar!

• Frank Reynolds : We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids! "Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddling kids."

  Mac : There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!

• Mort : Frank. Frank. I need some water. My mouth is dry.

  Frank Reynolds : Your mouth is dry. Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink.

  [Mac and Charlie raise their hands] 

  Dennis Reynolds : Okay...

  Charlie Kelly : Yeah, can I? Could I? Can I?

  Dee Reynolds : [raises hand]  I have a...

  Charlie Kelly : Who's that?

  Frank Reynolds : He's the mortician. I invited him.