American Dad! (TV Series)

The Wrestler (2012)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Photos 

Quotes 

• Roger : Small bills are in the safe. The rest are in my ass.

• Stan Smith : [to Steve]  Son, good grades won't get you anywhere in life. You only get places through athletic accomplishments.

  Steve Smith : Well, what about Bill Gates?

  Stan Smith : Before he blew out his ACL and had to do computers, Bill Gates rushed for over 300 yards a game.

  Steve Smith : Uh, I don't think that's right, Dad.

  Stan Smith : And I don't know the recipe for apple pie, but that didn't stop me from making one.

• Roger : Make sure to check out our Stan Smith pan flute rainforest music. Each song sounds the same, yet somehow manages to be worse than the last.

• Roger : I'm a docent, Stan. If he breaks your record, I'm out of a job and I will not go back to Relax the Back. I repeat, I won't go back to Relax the Back as long as Douglas works there, and we both know Douglas is going to work there for the rest of his life.

• Roger : You know what kid I wanted to kill? The youngest daughter in "Mrs. Doubtfire." Hated her face. By the time I could get a good shot at her, she had grown up and turned into nothing.

• Stan Smith : [while Stan and Roger are wrestling]  Use your legs! I can't!

  Roger : I have really weak legs.

  Stan Smith : No, you don't. You have the opposite.

  Roger : I know. Today's opposite day.

  Stan Smith : No, it's not!

  Roger : That means it is.

  Stan Smith : I'm not playing!

  Roger : That means you are.

• Roger : So let me understand this wrestling thing. The goal is to lie on top of another man against his will for three seconds in a bathing suit. Is this a high school sport or my trip to Cancun?

• Stan Smith : The Stan Smith Wrestling Museum. Dedicated to the high school wrestling career of Stan Smith.

  Steve Smith : Um, I've lived in this house my whole life. How long's this been here?

  Roger : Construction of the museum began in 1998. I should know because like Ross on "Friends", I'm a docent. But unlike Ross, I don't look like a Monchichi.

• [Roger and Stan have been wrestling in the high school gym for an extended period of time] 

  Coach : [Roger almost pins Stan before Stan stops him]  One, two...

  Roger : It's been ten days don't you have to give up eventually.

  Stan Smith : Never!

  Roger : Don't you have a job to go to?

  [cut to the CIA Klaus in his bowl at Stan's desk, clearly filling in for Stan] 

  Avery Bullock : [to Klaus]  Smith, read this intel and give me a full report by the end of the day.

  Klaus : On it, chief.

  [Bullock walks away and Klaus leaps out of his bowl half a notch] 

  Klaus : Hooper, I owe you a new headboard! I broke yours last night while I was banging your wife!

  [men laughing offscreen] 

  Hooper : You got me, Stan!