The Cleveland Show (TV Series)
BFFs (2011)
Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown, Rallo Tubbs, Redneck #1
Quotes
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Cleveland Brown : Where do you think I've been all week?
Lester Krinkelsac : I don't know. Mustache camp?
Cleveland Brown : That's in June. You know that.
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Cleveland Brown : [when Peter comes to rescue Cleveland and his friends] Thanks, Peter. How did you know we were here?
Peter Griffin : Well, I felt bad after you left Quahog, so I called your house. Your wife said you were doing a friendship thing in the woods and I immediately thought, "Well, this is going to end in hillbilly rape", so I tracked you down and here I am.
Cleveland Brown : But I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore.
Peter Griffin : Well, as soon as you left, I started really intense psychotherapy with that gay guy in town who has like a thousand jobs.
Cleveland Brown : They once said his name was Bruce.
Peter Griffin : Right. So, apparently, I have abandonment issues stemming from my relationship with my father, blah, blah, blah, ticking time bomb, so I pushed you away before you could do it to me.
Cleveland Brown : But I would never do that. We're BFFs.
[he and Peter show each other their lip tattoos]
Peter Griffin : I'm sorry, Cleveland. You're my friend. You always have been. And I know deep down in my heart, I still love you.
[Cleveland starts crying]
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Peter Griffin : See, Cleveland, that's the difference between our two shows. On our show, we would have shown the rape and had a show tune about the rape.
Cleveland Brown : And I would have just been the black guy.
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Rallo Tubbs : Blooba, gooba, chunka, flunka, Willy Wonka, chocolate bar!
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Cleveland Brown : Peter, why didn't you call me when you were in town last week?
Peter Griffin : Yeah, uh, my phone died of AIDS.
Cleveland Brown : AIDS is no longer a death sentence.
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Cleveland Brown : Goose! Lice! All birds have lice!
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Byron : [to Rallo when he's asked a question at the Quiz Bowl] You don't know, do you?
Rallo Tubbs : You're right! I don't know! But I'll tell you what I do know. I know how to change the tire on my Big Wheel, how to tip a host to get a table by the skee ball. I know y don't ask a man what he makes in allowance. I know never to buy property in Detroit. I can take a punch and I can throw a punch. I know never to bet on the Golden State Warriors 'cause they don't play no defense. And most important, I know how to treat a lady. Do you, Wally?
Wally Farquhare : I know menstruating women cause fruits and vegetables to spoil.
Rallo Tubbs : Damn, Wally. What's wrong with you?
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Donna Tubbs : Ooh, Rallo, looks like you're getting a bath.
Rallo Tubbs : Thank God. I've asked you four times this week. I'm itchy, Mama.
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Donna Tubbs : Oh, Rallo would be great at Quiz Bowl. He's very gifted.
Rallo Tubbs : Mama, check it out! This bean dip looks like diarrhea!
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Cleveland Brown : [to Peter] But I thought we were friends.
Peter Griffin : We were neighbors and drinking buddies. We weren't friends.
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Rallo Tubbs : [to Donna] I don't want to spend my Saturday with a tutor. Why do I need to be in that stupid Quiz Bowl anyway?
Donna Tubbs : Cause Mama never got her mama's approval and now she seeks it from every woman she meets.