- Principal Skinner: The things you don't know could fill a week's worth of morning announcements with enough leftover for a send-home flyer!
- Superintendent Chalmers: There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour.
- Superintendent Chalmers: So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now.
- Bart Simpson: Same garbage, different Dumpster.
- Superintendent Chalmers: We'll start with American history.
- [Opens book to table of U.S. Presidents]
- Superintendent Chalmers: Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are.
- Bart Simpson: [Points at Washington] Dollar bill guy,
- [Points at Lincoln]
- Bart Simpson: Five-dollar bill guy,
- [Points to Clinton]
- Bart Simpson: Sex guy,
- [Points to Bush Jr]
- Bart Simpson: Will Ferrell,
- [Points to Obama]
- Bart Simpson: Black guy.
- Homer Simpson: Bart, I want to ask you about something I read in a magazine. Are you boys cyberbullying each other?
- Jimbo Jones: How could we be? We're all in the sam place and we don't have computers.
- Homer Simpson: Marge, I parented!
- Marge Simpson: That's great, Homie! Come have some ice cream on a brownie!
- Homer Simpson: Later, losers.
- Lisa Simpson: Bart, what are you doing?
- Bart Simpson: Taking over the school... with all the kids inside.
- Lisa Simpson: What? I'm telling mom.
- Bart Simpson: Great. You can call her from the closet phone.
- [locks Lisa in broom closet]
- Lisa Simpson: Hello, Mom?
- Bart Simpson: There really is a phone in there?
- [Bart opens door; Lisa is just standing there sticking her tongue out; Bart closes door on her. Bart scoffs]
- Bart Simpson: So immature.
- Bart Simpson: Sir, of all the books and movies about Teddy Roosevelt, which would you say is the most informative?
- Superintendent Chalmers: No question: Night at the Museum.
- Bart Simpson: One or two?
- Superintendent Chalmers: Take your pick, you can't go wrong.
- Milhouse: I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy.
- Jimbo Jones: I love him because he said, "Bully".
- Dolph: The dude really knew how to rock some jodhpurs.
- Superintendent Chalmers: The fact is, today's modern schools have completely failed you.
- Jimbo Jones: School failed me? Does school have to go to summer Jimbo?
- Superintendent Chalmers: [Chalmers groans, sighs] Look at him, boys. He is the canary in the coal mine of a dying empire.
- Jimbo Jones: You're in my coal mine now, bitches!