"Community" Advanced Gay (TV Episode 2011) Poster

(TV Series)

(2011)

Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne

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Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Michael Adrian, and Rene Gube in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Joel McHale in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Joel McHale in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Larry Cedar, and Joel McHale in Community (2009) Chevy Chase in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Michael Adrian, and Rene Gube in Community (2009) Chevy Chase in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Donald Glover in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Michael Adrian, and Rene Gube in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Donald Glover in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Larry Cedar in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Yvette Nicole Brown in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Yvette Nicole Brown, and Donald Glover in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Joel McHale, Michael Adrian, and Rene Gube in Community (2009) Chevy Chase and Michael Adrian in Community (2009) Chevy Chase, Joel McHale, Yvette Nicole Brown, Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, Danny Pudi, and Donald Glover in Community (2009) 5 more photos

Quotes 

  • Pierce Hawthorne : [eulogizing his father]  Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. "Comb your hair, you idiot, you look Greek." I'll never know if that was true, but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead, and I'm not. So, I win... and you can suck it.

    Troy Barnes : Dude just told his dead dad to suck it!

    Britta Perry : So edible!

    [sic, Oedipal, mumpsimus] 

    Minister : You're the worst.

  • Jeff Winger : Piercinald, please tell me you did not cancel your gay party because of your father.

    Pierce Hawthorne : It's a business decision, Jeff. I took a look at the numbers, had someone explain them to me, and this is the way we're going.

  • Jeff Winger : Sorry for killing your dad.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Don't blame yourself. He bought a lot of his organs from questionable sources.

  • Randall : Excuse me, are you Pierce Hawthorne of Hawthorne Wipes?

    Pierce Hawthorne : At your cervix. Oh, sorry, I thought you were a lady.

  • Pierce Hawthorne : [Reading his father's eulogy]  Father, ill never forget what you said to me "on my first day of school. 'Comb your hair, you idiot. You look Greek.' I'll never know if that was true, but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead, and I'm not. So, I win. And you can suck it.

  • Shirley Bennett : Oh, my... Even Bruce Vilanch?

    Jeff Winger : Especially Bruce Vilanch.

    Pierce Hawthorne : That is copyright infringement and defamation. I'm going to sue the pants off that lady.

    Annie Edison : I don't think that's a lady.

    Troy Barnes : And why do you want his pants off?

    Pierce Hawthorne : Shut up! I only wanted his pants off when I thought he was a lady.

    Jeff Winger : So you were attracted to him?

    Pierce Hawthorne : The only thing I'm attracted to is taking him to court and eating his ass alive.

    Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Britta Perry : Ooh!

    Pierce Hawthorne : That's not what I meant. Stop putting gay things in my mouth.

    [group laughs] 

    Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Britta Perry : [group sings the Hawthorne wipes jingle]  I got a pocket full of hawthornes, pocket full of hawthornes...

  • Pierce Hawthorne : Britta was right. You resent my father because you've got problems with your own.

    Jeff Winger : After "Britta was right," everything you said just sounded like a fog horn.

  • Pierce Hawthorne : Gay-oh!

    [chuckles] 

    Pierce Hawthorne : He... hey, what's going on with you bitches? Bitches is gay talk for friends.

    Troy Barnes : Did you sue Urbana Champaign for his t-shirt?

    Pierce Hawthorne : Not at all, I bought this. I'm a fan. Also, I'm a gay rights advocate.

    Abed Nadir : I think I can explain. Pierce's positrons have been negatized, creating anti-Pierce. It happens all the time inspector spacetime.

    Troy Barnes : Yeah, but anti-inspector had a funny mustache and was kinda rapey.

    Annie Edison : I don't think his positrons have been negatized.

    Abed Nadir : That's exactly what Constable Reggie said.

    Pierce Hawthorne : No, I thought about it, and I decided a man should not be judged by what he does with a fellow man's butt.

    Jeff Winger : [quietly to Britta]  Here's the kick.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Plus since that song came out, Hawthorne Wipes sales went up 7%.

    Jeff Winger : And it's good.

    [Britta smiles in amusement] 

    Pierce Hawthorne : Yep, even had my own people mock up a design for a new product line. Hawthorne Pride Wipes. They may cost more, but they're gayer. And I'm gonna launch these little babies at a big party here at Greendale. Here's a flyer.

    Shirley Bennett : Ooh! Greendale's first annual... gay bash.

    Britta Perry : Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirements for open-mindedness.

    Annie Edison : Yeah, I'm really proud of you. You're growing as a person.

    Jeff Winger : Oh, good grief, he's not supporting gay people. They're supporting him. If Mexicans were buying his wipes, he would have ridden in on a donkey.

    Pierce Hawthorne : People earning respect with money is the American way, Jeff. Not that my father would have agreed. It took a federal injunction to get him to sell these things to the Italians.

  • Pierce Hawthorne : You know, we actually have a lot in common. We hate lesbians, we hate baggy pants, and I can't believe you guys are all bears fans.

    Randall : Super fans.

  • Jeff Winger : So what brings you here? I'm assuming it's not for your son's party. Unless "segregationist mummy" is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Actually, uh, after discussing with my father, the party's off, and we're canceling pride wipes.

    Cornelius Hawthorne : Stand up straight, Piercinald, when talking to the lower classes.

  • Cornelius Hawthorne : Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne!

    Pierce Hawthorne : Father.

    Cornelius Hawthorne : We need to talk... *boy.*

  • Pierce Hawthorne : What the hell is this?

    Jeff Winger : The gay bash, courtesy of Hawthorne Wipes.

  • Pierce Hawthorne : Did you know that the Canadian Mallard is the only water fowl that bites his father's head off on the way out of the womb?

    Jeff Winger : That is definitely not true.

    Pierce Hawthorne : I don't know. I looked it up on the "wackapeediah."

  • Jeff Winger : Piercinald, please tell me you did not cancel your gay party because of your father.

    Pierce Hawthorne : It's a business decision, Jeff. I took a look at the numbers, had someone explain them to me, and this is the way we're going.

    Annie Edison : I thought you said Pierce's idea was dumb? Well that's before it was being oppressed by a...

    Britta Perry : A father?

    Jeff Winger : A homophobe! This isn't about fathers. This is about a long-suffering community with a constitutional right to wipe whoever and whatever they want.

    Pierce Hawthorne : Well, if you like gay people so much, why don't you marry them?

    Britta Perry : This is so edible.

    [sic, Oedipal, mumpsimus] 

    Jeff Winger : Britta, you are gonna make a terrible therapist, and if you need to talk to someone about that, I don't recommend you.

    Britta Perry : Hmm, is that how your dad talked to your mom?

    Jeff Winger : No, that's how he talked to your mom.

    Britta Perry : How does that make you feel?

    Jeff Winger : Shut up.

See also

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