Community (TV Series)

Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps (2011)

Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Troy Barnes : [Part of Pierce's Halloween scary story]  Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Whats we gots heres? This is a home invasion, you jive mother.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Easy, easy, easy. Nobody has to get hurt here.

  Troy Barnes : Yeah, that's right, honky. You take it real easy and give us all your expensive Brandy and hubcaps.

• Troy Barnes : [Narrating his Halloween scary story]  Hello? Is there anyone here? I need help.

  [Pierce appears, wearing a medical robe, his hair like Einstein's] 

  Troy Barnes : Oh, thank God. An old doctor. Me and my partner are top gun fighter pilots, the best of the best.

  Abed Nadir : [Weakly]  Pew pew pew.

  Troy Barnes : Our F-15 went down in the woods.

  Pierce Hawthorne : I thought I heard something awesome out there. Please, come in, for first aids and what have you.

  [Offers them a glass of green liquid] 

  Troy Barnes : Mmm, drinks from a stranger. So medical.

• Britta Perry : We learned an important lesson tonight. We should never make the Britta of Britta-ing each other's feelings.

  Pierce Hawthorne : You're using it wrong.

  Jeff Winger : Wow. You Britta'd "Britta'd."

  Abed Nadir : Yeah, way to pull an Abed.

  Shirley Bennett : I don't get it.

  Jeff Winger : Shirley, don't Pierce.

  Pierce Hawthorne : I don't get it.

• Britta Perry : And the woman was screaming and screaming and the man got killed. Abed?

  Abed Nadir : Yep?

  Britta Perry : How did that story make you feel?

  Abed Nadir : Embarrassed.

  Britta Perry : That's an odd reaction.

  [all disagreeing] 

  Troy Barnes : Seems fair.

  Britta Perry : What embarrassed you about it?

  Abed Nadir : I didn't care about the characters.

  Britta Perry : Didn't care about themmm?

  [Britta looks at Jeff] 

  Britta Perry : [Jeff rolls his eyes] 

  Abed Nadir : They were stupid. They deliberately put themselves in danger, and, when they were warned about it, the guy got out of the car.

  Britta Perry : Do you believe because he was stupid he deserved to die?

  Pierce Hawthorne : What the hell kind of party is this?

  Abed Nadir : I suppose, from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct. Your story's not scary because the characters are making choices the audience wouldn't make. Plus, you need a smarter lead.