Last Man Standing (TV Series)

Last Baby Proof Standing (2011)

Hector Elizondo: Ed Alzate

Quotes 

• Ed Alzate : This new tracking device is great. It pinpoints your hunting dog's position and speed every five seconds. Look, the little bugger's moving pretty fast through the brush out back. Look at that. Look at that.

  Mike Baxter : Whose dog is that? And why is it coming in the building?

  Ed Alzate : Oh, yeah, you'll soon see he should be coming through that door in three, two, and...

  [Mike groans as Kyle runs in with a collar around his neck] 

• Kyle Anderson : I'm starting to think you're only keeping me around for these humiliating jobs.

  Mike Baxter : Ed, Ed, Ed, this is the kind of stuff you get sued for, Ed.

  Ed Alzate : Come on, Mike. You know, hazing the new guy is a male rite of passage. Now, when I was a grunt in the service, they tied me to a tree with a garden hose.

  Mike Baxter : Big deal.

  Ed Alzate : The tree was on fire. They put it out with urine.

• Ed Alzate : Everything okay?

  Mike Baxter : Nah. They're baby-proofing my house 'cause of Boyd. I think somebody trimmed my fingernails while I was sleeping.

  Ed Alzate : Well, they should have painted them pink, too, because you're living like a lady.

  Mike Baxter : Come on. Don't start.

  Ed Alzate : Ah, it's too late. I've started.