How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Mystery vs. History (2011)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : The date with Nadine went great. Unless you guys found something.

  Barney Stinson : Are you sitting down?

  Ted Mosby : No...

  [He sits down] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : She's wanted in Florida on Crystal Meth charges.

  Barney Stinson : She breeds pitbulls for dog fighting.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Also, the FBI has...

  Ted Mosby : [Cuts Robin off]  What's this link?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Oh, she also writes online movie reviews. Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted for...

  Ted Mosby : [Cuts Robin off again]  She gave Annie Hall two out of ten stars? "Slow and overrated"?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Really? That's your takeway?

  Ted Mosby : It's the Woodman at the height of his powers! The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera... people have been ripping that off ever since.

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Looking at the camera]  Can you believe this guy?

• Ted Mosby : I don't want a background check. I want adventure and excitement. Look, if it's a choice between mystery and history, I want mystery.

• Ted Mosby : It's just, you know, like, when my parents met, they didn;t have the Internet - they just went out on a blind date and fell in love

  Janet : That's nice. And they're still together?

  Ted Mosby : Right up to divorce

• Ted Mosby : What started out as something really creepy turned out really sweet.

  Janet : That's kinda my move.

• Ted Mosby : While this font is often mistaken for Helvetica, it's actually Helvetica Bold. I can actually hear the sound of her vagina being boarded up.

• Ted Mosby : Paula Vincenzo. She's in the bathroom. What's wrong with her?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Total psycho. Her Facebook wall has a link to a site about dating inanimate objects. For most of last year, she was engaged... to a mini fridge.

  Barney Stinson : And there's pictures. Her and the mini fridge on a hike. Her and the mini fridge in wine country. There's the mini fridge meeting her parents.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Run like the wind!