- Solon Worker: Try our new liquid massage. This isn't your mother's sensory deprivation tank.
- Isabella: Have you ever seen senior citizens riot? It's like a slow, grey tornado of canes and false teeth.
- Buford: [seeing the spud army formed, in part, by his own DNA] Oh, look at the little guys. They're like little bullies. I am both proud and ready to soil my pants in terror.
- [Doofenshmirtz summons up a Spartan army and gets...]
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: A Mongol army? Really? Uh, I must have had the dial set for "Hun." Oh, well, you don't look a gift horde in the mouth, so... hello!
- Sales Clerk: One Genghis Khan costume. Will that be cash or credit?
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I bet you're wondering where my inator is, right? Come on, guess. Guess. No? No? You're not gonna play? All right, all right, all right. Fine. Don't play. It's Norm!
- Norm: Let's hope there's no self-destruct button on THIS one!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You're always had one, Norm. I just never told you where it was so you wouldn't pick at it.
- [Norm's eyes go wide before his mouth falls off]
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, I've done lots of research for the past, you know, few hours, and I... and I found out that most people will believe ANYTHING THEY READ. And I know it's true because, you know, I... I read it online somewhere.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's gonna work. I'm using a very convincing font. It's bold and it has a lot of serifs!