- Max Black: You realized I replaced that Purell with K-Y, right?
- Caroline Channing: Max, please say you're kidding.
- Max Black: Of course I'm kidding. I can't afford lube. I just use my tears.
- Caroline Channing: Max seriously, don't mess with my hand sanitizer. I've already caught poverty this year and I refuse to catch the flu.
- Shmuley: [David and Shmuley are throwing money at Caroline] Ya like that?
- Caroline Channing: Stop.
- Shmuley: Ya like that?
- Caroline Channing: Stop it.
- Shmuley: Ya like that?
- Caroline Channing: That's it! Listen! Hit me with one more dead president and you'll be 6 feet under with Biggie and Tupac! You understand me, Jew Tang Clan?
- Shmuley: Skinny bitch came to play!
- David: Yo, yo, yo, what up, cupcake bitches?
- Shmuley: I'm fixing to marry me a beyotch who bakes like this, son.
- Caroline Channing: Uh, I don't know what is going on, but I'm pretty sure boys and girls aren't supposed to be socializing, right?
- Shmuley: Damn, sweetness, your lips are moving, but your ass is doing all the talking.
- Max Black: Uh, is that Yiddish?
- David: [to Caroline] Yo, don't get jealous vanilla cup, how about you turn yourself around and make it pop for daddy?
- Caroline Channing: How would you like it if I told your mother right on the other side of that door how you boys were in here disrespecting us?
- Shmuley: How is you gonna say anything with your mouth full?
- David: Damn son!