- Jane Lynch - Roastmaster: This show is serving up more old, spoiled hens than a Chick-fil-A. Oh, and that reminds me: Fuck Chick-fil-A.
- [Applause and cheers]
- Wayne Brady: Amy Schumer, I wouldn't fuck you. I wouldn't fuck you if you used watermelon flavored Vagisil while wearing a fried chicken g-string and a J.J. Walker "Dynomite" T-shirt with Soulja Boy in the background. You couldn't get a black dude to fuck you if you were on the set of a brand new Tyler Perry movie called How To Get A Black Dude To Fuck You.