- Klaus: Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my "Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz." She's my "Beinahe-Leidenschaftsgegenstand"... it means the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but it's not quite. That is Victoria to me.
- Ted Mosby: How do you know she's not "Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz?" Maybe as the years go by she'll get "Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz... ier?"
- Klaus: "Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz" is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin... have you ever felt this way about someone?
- Ted Mosby: ...I think so.
- Klaus: If you have to think about it, you have not felt it.
- Ted Mosby: And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday?
- Klaus: Of course. Everyone does eventually... you just never know when or where.
- Barney Stinson: [after Quinn finds out Barney dated Robin and gives him exactly 1 minute to explain himself] Barney: Seven years ago when Marshall and Lily got engaged Ted saw Robin across a crowded room and I said "oh yeah you just know she likes it dirty," but Ted really liked her so we played "Haaave you met Ted?" They went to dinner, he walked her home, should have kissed her, didn't, lame. So he stole the Smurf penis, went back to her place, should have kissed her, didn't, lame. He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof but decided to be friends, lame. Then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria. Didn't kiss her either, lame. Not a great closer Ted. Then he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany. Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin. Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil came back with a Latin stud. Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning it as much as possible. I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus we made up... Robin and I started dating and I got fat her hair fell out. We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora. I cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora. Robin dated Kevin but not for long and then I met you and you took my Grandpa's watch, but I fell in love with you anyway and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said yes so we came over here to meet little Marvin and that's everything. Also I went on the Price Is Right and I won a dune buggy!
- [Later on, after meeting Robin's boyfriend, Nick]
- Quinn Garvey: Baby, it's not cheating if I lay down on the bar and let him do shots off my belly, right?
- Barney Stinson: Say what now?
- Quinn Garvey: Barney's on board!
- [Ted needs Barney to seduce Klaus' sister on the phone]
- Barney Stinson: Hey, baby, it's not cheating if it's on the phone?
- Quinn Garvey: Say what now?
- Barney Stinson: Quinn's on board!
- Barney Stinson: [after getting a call from Ted asking if he can try to seduce one of Victoria's bridesmaids so Ted can sneak in and leave Victoria's note to Klaus] Challenge accepted! Honey it's not cheating if it's on the phone right?
- Quinn Garvey: Say what now?
- Barney Stinson: Quinn's on board!
- Victoria: [starts to write letter] Klaus...
- Ted Mosby: Just Klaus? Give it some heart, the poor guy!
- Victoria: "Dear sweet Klaus..."
- Ted Mosby: Sweet? So what, are you still in love with this jerk?
- Victoria: [Annoyed] I'm doing this on my own.
- Ted Mosby: I'm sorry, I feel bad for the guy. I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.
- Victoria: You're not stealing me. I'm choosing you...
- [kisses him]
- Victoria: because you are loving, you are caring, and
- [gives note to Ted]
- Victoria: you are going to give him this note.
- Ted Mosby: You're expecting me to go there?
- Victoria: It took me everything I had to climb out of that church window... and if I had to go back there, I'm not sure if I can do it again.
- Ted Mosby: [takes the note and leaves the car but enters and rubs note in Victoria's face] It has to smell like you!