Photos
Quotes
-
Louie's Doctor : In your life, what's new? Any new stress?
Louie : Oh, uh... well, no, I mean, I got kids and I work; it's hard sometimes, but, you know, boilerplate misery: alone in the world, might as well be a maggot sucking a dead cat's face, what's the point? But nothing new.
-
Uncle Excelsior : [greeting Louie] How are you? You are-you are in show business now?
Louie : Yeah, yeah.
Uncle Excelsior : [fondly] Then tell me! Tell me all about that.
Louie : Well, this uh, it's going pretty well, I got this show, and uh...
Uncle Excelsior : [cutting him off] That's wonderful.
-
Uncle Excelsior : Listen, why I want to see you.
Louie : Okay.
Uncle Excelsior : I was in Boston yesterday because I bought a credenza in Geneva: see, they're representing Mexico at an international finance analysis conference. And I was invited to the palace of some sort of duke, and he had this wonderful credenza, and I asked him about it, and he said, well, he was this kind of man
[pulls effeminate face]
Uncle Excelsior : , mm? Who has a hunting dog by his side and boots, you know? You know, like um
[pulls face again]
Uncle Excelsior : , like this kind of man, you know
[he laughs, then sternly]
Uncle Excelsior : you know?
Louie : Okay.
Uncle Excelsior : And so this duke, I said to him, "what a wonderful credenza", and he says
[in effeminate, pinched voice]
Uncle Excelsior : "I must make you a gift of one"
-
Rental Car Lady : [Louie has just thrown up on a rental car] Sir, sir! You can't throw up on the car!
Louie : I already did, I'm sorry.
Rental Car Lady : Well sir, you're gonna have to clean that up. That's not your car.
Louie : [cross] Hey, listen, I'm going to see my father, okay, I'm a little distressed, I haven't seen him in two years!
Rental Car Lady : Well, either see him or don't see him, make a decision, be a man, you're forty-four years old, it's your fault!
-
Uncle Excelsior : When I was a boy, I had a horse given to me by my father, your abuelo. And when I went away to school, I gave that horse to your father to care for. And in three months, he let my horse die.
Louie : [hesitantly] Yeah, so...
Uncle Excelsior : Louie, let me ask you something
[he lifts his middle finger]
Uncle Excelsior : . When a man has intercourse with a prostitute and he covers his organ
[mimes covering his finger]
Uncle Excelsior : with protection, so that he won't catch her wretchedness, he is acting in the name of his family so that he won't take it home to his wife. Hm?
Louie : [nonplussed] That's-that's a question?
Uncle Excelsior : But! Between a father and a son
[he mimes uncovering his finger]
Uncle Excelsior : there can be no separation, no boundary. A father calls, a son answers; a father *beckons*, a son comes!
[brandishes his middle finger]
Uncle Excelsior : This is for life, Louie: for life!
