- Diamanda Hagan: It's John Carter returning from Mars!
- Nostalgia Critic: You saw that?
- Diamanda Hagan: Someone had to.
- Diamanda Hagan: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Nostalgia Critic: I think so. But how can I get Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Batman outfit?
- Diamanda Hagan: I was thinking about Insano.
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, yeah, Insano.
- [Beat]
- Nostalgia Critic: How can he get Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Batman outfit?
- Nostalgia Critic: Anyway, if it's one of the women on the site, I'm sure that I looking for a nice-looking piece of-
- [sees Diamanda]
- Nostalgia Critic: FUCK! Good god, oh sweet Jesus, don't hurt me!
- Nostalgia Critic: This isn't a movie! This is a series of horny fan-fiction that somehow got a budget!
- Nostalgia Critic: Yes, may that large, muscular and strangely aerodynamic body be a lesson to you. For now, you are John Candy of Gor!
- Diamanda Hagan: But why the fuck is someone using a car in space?
- Nostalgia Critic: Okay, any questions with the word "Car" and "Space" in them quickly become invalid.
- Diamanda Hagan: But how is he steering it? Why isn't it burning up? Why didn't it survive the impact?
- Nostalgia Critic: What part of "car in space" do you not understand? Question invalid. Enjoy the awesome.
- Diamanda Hagan: She tracks the mutants down to a Western-style sci-fi bar where everyone's listening to Devo.
- [the band in the bar are playing "Through Being Cool"]
- Nostalgia Critic: Hey, it's better than the other band they had last week.
- [Image of the cantina band from 'Star Wars' is shown and the cantina music plays]
- Nostalgia Critic: They just kept playing the same song over and over.