Rodger Bumpass: Doctor, Squidward, Angry Mob Member #2, Doughnut, Squidasaurus Rex
Photos
Quotes
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Mr. Krabs : The Krabby Patty is what ties us all together! Without it, there will be a complete breakdown of social order! A war of all against all! Dark times are ahead! Dark times indeed!
[He collapses to the ground, sobbing]
Squidward Tentacles : Seriously? Aren't you overreacting a bit?
[Scene changes to Mr. Krabs, Squidward and the Bikini Bottom citizens wearing bad clothes and the citizens ran away, screaming in the ruins of Bikini Bottom]
Mr. Krabs : Welcome to the apocalypse, Mr. Squidward. I hope you like leather.
Squidward Tentacles : I prefer suede.
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SpongeBob SquarePants : A giant hairy porpoise - beached! It's suffering. The poor thing.
Mr. Krabs : We need to get these guys back in the water.
Sandy Cheeks : Y'all, those ain't porpoises...
Mr. Krabs : All hands on deck!
[the guys rush towards the man, not listening to Sandy]
Sandy Cheeks : Oh, brother...
[the gang tries to roll the man in the ocean, but he lands on them in the sand]
Squidward Tentacles : Well, I guess this is where that horrible smell was coming from.
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Squidward Tentacles : Mr. Krabs, the customers are getting restless.
[the customers are yelling "refunds!"]
Mr. Krabs : Listen up, boy, get in there and make me customers some Krabby Patties. Now, Plankto-
[He notices that Plankton has escaped. Meanwhile, at the vault, SpongeBob screams like a girl when he finds out there are no Krabby Patties there. Mr. Krabs scuttles over to see SpongeBob standing at the vault and shaking like a leaf]
Mr. Krabs : SpongeBob! What's wrong, boy?
[He opens the freezer door a little, and screams like a girl as well]
Mr. Krabs : We're out of Krabby Patties?
SpongeBob SquarePants : How can we make more Krabby Patties without the secret formula?
Mr. Krabs : You've got to have that formuler memorized by now.
SpongeBob SquarePants : But as you are aware, sir, the Employee Handbook clearly states, and I quote, "No employee may in part, or in whole, commit the Krabby Patty secret formula to any recorded, written, or visual form, including memories, dreams, and/or needlepoint".
Mr. Krabs : [sobbing] Oh, curse you, fine print!
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[from trailer]
Squidward Tentacles : Look at me, I'm a god.
Burger-Beard : Hah!
[He throws six soda plastic rings on Squidward's nose, and Squidward tries to take it off]
Squidward Tentacles : What is this diabolical thing?
[as Squidward becomes tangled in the soda rings, a girl on a sidewalk takes a picture of Squidward on her phone]
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[during Spongebob's sacrifice ceremony]
Squidasaurus Rex : And I thought my "friends" were primitive.
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Squidward Tentacles : You know what this needs? Some interpretive dance.
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SpongeBob SquarePants : Now all we need is some ink!
[a splat is heard offscreen]
SpongeBob SquarePants : Oh. Which Squidward has helpfully provided.
Squidward Tentacles : It happens when I'm nervous.
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Burger-Beard : I'm gonna scrub my armpits with you.
SpongeBob SquarePants : I don't get it.
Squidward Tentacles : Because you're a sponge.
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Burger-Beard : All right here we go. Now, SpongeBob loved his job as a fry cook more than anything. And that is saying a lot. Because he loved everything! He loved his pet snail Gary. He loved his best friend Patrick. He loved blowing bubbles and jellyfishing. He loved making Krabby Patties for the folks in Bikini Bottom just as much as they loved eating them. "Why", you may ask, "do they love this greasy meal sandwich so much? Why did they eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner, despite the doctor's warnings?"
[Harold is in the hospital bed, eating a Krabby Patty and wearing a respirator]
Doctor : He'll be gone in a week.
Evelyn : Oh, Harold!
[She sobs, and then she and Dr. Gilliam bite into Krabby Patties]
Burger-Beard : Ah, it was a secret. No one was sure what was in those patties that made them so delicious. And frankly no one cared except for Plankton.
[Plankton stands outside the Chum Bucket, frowning]
Plankton : Meh.
Burger-Beard : Plankton owned a restaurant right across the street from the Krusty Krab where no one ate cause the food was really bad!
Plankton : Now is that really necessary?
[Plankton, in spy gear, tries to steal the secret formula]
Burger-Beard : Plankton made it his life's work to steal the recipe.
[SpongeBob vacuums him up with his leaf blower]
Plankton : SpongeBob, please! Let's talk about this.
[SpongeBob sends Plankton flying back to the Chum Bucket]
Burger-Beard : But SpongeBob was always there to protect it. But today...
[a small green airplane is shown heading towards the Krusty Krab]
Burger-Beard : Things would be different.
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[Squidward opens the door with angry customers behind him, interrupting Mr. Krabs' torture of Plankton]
Squidward Tentacles : Mr. Krabs!
[to SpongeBob, still laughing]
Squidward Tentacles : SpongeBob, zip it!
[SpongeBob finally stops laughing]
Plankton : [relieved] Oh, thank you, Squidward!
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Patrick Star : Good morning, Squidward. I'll have the usual.
[a boat smashes through a window, leaving a big gaping hole in the Krusty Krab]
Patrick Star : With cheese.
Squidward Tentacles : [cowering behind the till] We're out of Krabby Patties right now!
Patrick Star : No more Krabby Patties? NO!
[With a poof of magic, Patrick is in appropriate apocalypse gear: a padded vest and a hammer strapped to his head]
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Squidward Tentacles : Squidasaurus rex!
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Squidward Tentacles : That sound must mean things are back to normal.
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Squidward Tentacles : The Krusty Krab is restless! They're asking for...
[He smiles craftily]
Squidward Tentacles : ... refunds.
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Squidward Tentacles : Not much legroom in here.
Patrick Star : Well, maybe if you didn't have four feet...
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Mr. Krabs : I'm not your enemy! Plankton's your enemy!
Squidward Tentacles : So, is he an anemone or plankton?
[Rimshot. Pan to Mrs. Puff on a drumkit]
Mrs. Puff : Well, someone had to do it.
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[Squidward is magically transported back to his cash register, without his Sour Note form]
Squidward Tentacles : Well, it was fun while it lasted.
SpongeBob SquarePants : I left you a little surprise under your shirt!
[Squidward lifts his shirt to find to his delight...]
Squidward Tentacles : Rock-hard abs! Aw, SpongeBob, you're okay in my book.
SpongeBob SquarePants : [flattered] Aw, shucks.
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Squidward Tentacles : The only way we'll be able to get up there is if some Fairy Godmother shows up and helps us to breathe air!
[Cue Bubbles appearing]
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Sandy Cheeks : [taking off her helmet] Ah, fresh air! How I've missed you!
Squidward Tentacles : Eugh! This place smells awful!
