- Frankie Heck: Look at this, you guys. It's a triple feature. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", "Fiddler on the Roof", and "Serpico".
- Mike Heck: Mm. Two bucks a car. It makes sense.
- Sue Heck: I've never even heard of any of those movies. You never said they were going to be old movies.
- Frankie Heck: They're not old. They're classic.
- Axl Heck: Classic is code for lame. I mean, how could it not be. The first one has chitty right in the title.
- Axl Heck: Well, I can explain, all right. The first half of the year I didn't even know I was taking it. I thought I had a free period. Then everyone was too far ahead and I was totally lost.
- Frankie Heck: In English.
- Axl Heck: That shouldn't even be a requirement. I've been speaking it, like, half my life.
- Sue Heck: Do you guys have favorite kids?
- Frankie Heck: I like those Donahues.
- Sue Heck: No, of us. Mom, I really want to know this. Do you guys have favorite kids, among us kids? Do you guys have favorites?
- Frankie Heck: Honey, don't be ridiculous. Parents love all their kids infinitely. If there's infinite love, then it's not possible to love one more than the other because infinite love is infinite.
- Mike Heck: Guess I'd say Axl.
- Sue Heck: Dad!
- Frankie Heck: Mike!
- Sue Heck: Brick, what are you doing? You didn't kill another pet, did you?
- Brick Heck: No, I don't even have a pet right now. Do I? I'm planting a tomato.
- Axl Heck: That's weird.
- Brick Heck: I found it in my backpack.
- Axl Heck: Oh, that's much more normal then.
- Brick Heck: I must have left it in there from when we were learning about photosynthesis.
- Axl Heck: Ha! That sounds like a school word, Brick. It's summer, leave the learning inside.
- Axl Heck: God, this is lame. Every year they go through some kind of mid-life crisis. Thank God their lives are more than halfway over.
- Axl Heck: Everybody has a favorite everything, and, in this family, I'm the favorite kid.
- Sue Heck: Ha! That's hilarious. Why would you be their favorite? You cause them so much stress, you get bad grades, you do dumb things with your friends. There is no way you're their favorite.
- Axl Heck: Oh, there is way. I was their firstborn. I was born when they still had love to give.
- Brick Heck: Well, actually, I'm the baby, so I'm pretty sure I'm their favorite.
- Axl Heck: You're a loser who misses a tomato. I win.
- Brick Heck: Believe what you want, but in every book, every movie, the baby is always the favorite.
- Axl Heck: Not when he's an accident.
- Brick Heck: That is not true! Sue?
- Sue Heck: They called you "Oops" until you were three. Look, there is two of you, and I am the only girl. Everyone knows girls are easier. I am so, so nice. I'm pretty sure it's clear who the favorite would be, if they had a favorite, which they don't.
- Axl Heck: Sue, think about it. What do you really contribute to this family? I mean, "Oops" is freakishly smart, I got recruiters all wanting a piece of the Ax. And, hm, what has Sue Sue Heck really brought to the party?
- Mike Heck: I'm just saying East Indiana State is closer. You gotta consider that. I still don't know how much they're gonna play you, but I like the package they're putting together.
- Axl Heck: I don't want to be closer. I want to be as far away from you people as possible. It's like when Tevye decided his town was too small, so he went on the flying car to New York to become a cop.
- Mike Heck: You do know that's three separate movies?
- Sue Heck: Of course, it would make sense that Axl would be your favorite. You spend more time with him, and he's a boy and everything, and I've got to own that.
- Mike Heck: Sue, he's not my favorite. It's just a dumb thing I said.
- Sue Heck: [hand up] Owning it. But it's not enough to just own it. I have to fix it. And that's why I'm declaring this "The Summer of Sue and Dad".
- Mike Heck: Wow. That's a... big book.
- Sue Heck: Yes, it is. And you and I are gonna fill every single page with special memories we make starting now.
- [snaps picture]
- Sue Heck: Ahh! Adorbs. I'm gonna go print it out right now!
- Mike Heck: Okay.
- Frankie Heck: Infinite love. Could have been so easy.
- Frankie Heck: What's this I just found under your bed?
- Axl Heck: I swear it's not mine.
- Frankie Heck: It's a report card with your name on it.
- Axl Heck: Oh, yeah. That's mine.