- Ash Martini: Me and Jesus, the only two men she ever wanted. And I got there first.
- Freddy Klein: Ah. You're "B.C."
- Freddy Klein: With all due respect, sir, I don't think you're ready to buy a car. And that's okay. You should probably go home and think about it a little bit more.
- Bad Ass: What did you say?
- Freddy Klein: You can't just discuss your money, pal. You just drove in this car. I mean, you've practically done a cavity search on it. And if you need someone to convince you that this is still a good deal, then you're obviously not interested in buying a car, in which case you're wasting both of our time.
- Bad Ass: I'll tell you what. If I buy this car and it breaks down on me two days after the warranty expires, I'll come back and I'll kick you ass.
- Freddy Klein: Okay. And if it doesn't and you drive it for another 100,000 miles, can I come to your place and kick your ass?
- Bad Ass: Write it up.
- [first lines]
- Freddy Klein: This is the story about my father and the summer we spent together many years ago. It was the summer that changed my life.
- [last lines]
- Ash Martini: [filming commercial] Hey, folks, come on down to Diamond Motors.
- Al Klein: 'Cause here at Diamond Motors...
- Barlow, Linda, Al Klein, Freddy Klein, Ash Martini, Gail: [in unison] We're family!