- Kate: [about Sam and Dean] Those guys aren't FBI, all right? I'm pretty sure that FBI agents don't say "awesome" that much, you know? And they definitely don't hunt and kill college kids.
- Michael Wheeler: Did they say anything else?
- Brian Wilcox: Dude, they just sat and talked about how they've been apart for a year. You were probably right about that whole office-romance thing.
- Michael Wheeler: Please tell me you taped it.
- Brian Wilcox: Come on. Who loves you?
- Michael Wheeler: [laughs] Aww. I wish I could quit you.
- Kate: So, the FBI is here. Your neighbor got murdered, but you're totally cool.
- Brian Wilcox: No. It's not - it's not that I'm cool. It's just that, like... I mean, then it's good that the FBI are here, right?
- Kate: That is so annoyingly logical.
- Kate: Look. I mean, there's got to be an explanation for this.
- Brian Wilcox: Really?
- Kate: It... was self-defense.
- Brian Wilcox: Eating a heart is self-defense?
- Kate: I didn't finish Brian's movie to justify what happened. To be totally honest, I'm not really even sure if I understand it at all. I just wanted you to know that -- that Michael wasn't always a monster. None of us were.
- Kate: I'm leaving. And you'll never hear from me ever again. Look, I know that there's another way. I can eat animal hearts. I've never hurt anyone. Nobody human, anyway. I didn't choose this. Please... Please give me a chance.
- Kate: Michael is not your movie. We don't even know what happened to him.
- Brian Wilcox: Exactly. I'm gonna get Michael's origin story on-camera.
- Professor Ludensky: The young man who sleeps through most of my lectures. I mean, who would miss him?
- Brian Wilcox: Me.
- Sam Winchester: Dude, two burgers?
- Dean Winchester: Hey, I didn't eat at Big P's for at least a year, okay? Clear eyes and clogged arteries - can't lose.
- Sam Winchester: So, what? We're hunting a-a werewolf with a pedigree?
- Dean Winchester: Awesome. Let's hope he has his papers.
- Dean Winchester: Hey, Sam?
- Sam Winchester: Yeah?
- Dean Winchester: Do I really say "awesome" a lot?
- Sam Winchester: No..
- Dean Winchester: [Looks at a picture of Kate] Awesome..
- Brian Wilcox: I want to see what you guys see... do what you do. I'm sick of being Piggy. I want to be Ralph.
- Brian Wilcox: These girls?
- Michael Wheeler: Yep.
- Brian Wilcox: Okay. #fails.
- [Turns the camera to each girl in turn]
- Brian Wilcox: Homeschooled.
- [Different girl]
- Brian Wilcox: Secretly in love with her roommate.
- [Another]
- Brian Wilcox: Listens to country music.
- Kate: Maybe you got bit by an alien. That would explain the FBI.
- Brian Wilcox: Or maybe a mutant bit you.
- Michael Wheeler: Am I a superhero now?
- Michael Wheeler: I'm a werewolf. A werewolf!
- Kate: Michael, come on. Baby, you need to calm down.
- Michael Wheeler: Calm down? I'm a werewolf!
- Michael Wheeler: [Filming] In a world where nothing is what it seems...... one brave, shockingly handsome, virile young man...
- [Turns the camera turn Brian]
- Michael Wheeler: And his faithful, learning-disabled, robotic manservant...
- Brian Wilcox: Oh, no.
- Brian Wilcox: [Turns camera to cafe] ... Must battle through waves of cybernetic asshats in order to sexually liberate the women of...
- Brian Wilcox: [Takes camera] Okay. Give me that.