Tue, Sep 3, 2013
Alfie turns up for the new term with a terrible hair-cut - thanks to his father - and learns that, for the school's annual swimming gala, there is to be a synchronized diving contest. The lure of a cash bet with Miss Pickwell encourages Alfie to enter his class - with a trip to Nando's as a bribe - but they are pretty poor and the scary lifeguard Joy only serves to put them off. Come the day of the event Alfie and the class's tubbiest pupil Joe somehow manage to beat Miss Pickwell. However Alfie 's chlorine allergy blinds him so that, after he has showered, he ends up nude in front of the whole school - and that includes his beloved Miss Gulliver and her lesbian girlfriend.
Tue, Oct 1, 2013
Miss Gulliver is peeved when she is not allowed to give the drugs awareness lecture, that job going to the ultra-trendy India, who actually takes drugs herself. Anxious to impress India Alfie invites her to a rave but, learning that no pupil has any drugs to sell, makes his own. This has a disastrous effect, leading him to believe he is the Little Mermaid. Professor Green calls the police and Stephen's parents arrive to take him out of the school. Fortunately Miss Gulliver saves the day by persuading everybody that Alfie was taking part in a very realistic anti-drugs role play.
Tue, Oct 14, 2014
Fraser discovers that Alfie never got his Biology CSE and tells him he must sit it or lose his teaching job. This involves him being a pupil in Miss Gulliver's class and sparring with his fellow students so he decides the only way to pass is to cheat. Sadly for him the adjudicator is the fearsome Maurice Hewston, who knows all the ruses but fortunately Grayson has an excellent Plan C which sees him through. Alfie's father also splits up with Grayson's mother due to his dislike of her annoying dog.
Tue, Sep 30, 2014
Alfie is shocked that Fraser has re-employed violent sports teacher Preet, who is just out of prison. However Alfie is desperate to beat Miss Gulliver's ex-boyfriend Richard at the school sports day so he enlists Preet's aid. Before the race against Richard Alfie finds what he believes to be steroids in his rival's bag so he downs a handful, observed by the love-sick Preet, who blackmails him into having sex with him but in the event the pills are Viagara, enabling Alfie to literally win by a head.
Tue, Dec 17, 2013
Alfie is reluctant to direct the end of term Christmas play given that his mother failed to turn up to see him in his primary school play. However, when the class cannot decide on 'The Nutcracker' or 'Robocop' as their choice Alfie writes 'Robocracker' about a super-hero who saves the world. Though it is very bizarre it goes down a storm - even with Bonehead, the Scots tramp and former actor Alfie met helping Miss Gulliver at the soup kitchen, in the audience. Furthermore Mitchell and Fraser have contacted Alfie's mother in Spain and she turns up with her husband Javier to be impressed by her son's effort. And to round off a perfect day Miss Gulliver tells Alfie she loves him.
Tue, Oct 8, 2013
When Fraser gives the Nigerian finance minister all the school's funds hoping for a sound return the school faces bankruptcy and Professor Green introduces austerity measures by selling off all its equipment. With unemployment looming Miss Gulliver plans to move to Soweto and, desperate to stop her, Alfie organizes a fund-raising day. At the slave auction a mystery bidder offers £25,000, the sum that will save the school, to have Alfie as their sex slave for the day but the bidder turns out to be Miss Pickwell, a millionaires after an elderly admirer has died and left her all his money. As if this was not bad enough Martin and Professor Green announce their forthcoming wedding.
Tue, Sep 10, 2013
Alfie is shocked when Kevin Schwimer, an all-American Olympic medallist with a penchant for charitable deeds and marathons, arrives at the school and - in view of his debacle at the swimming pool - given Alfie's Form K to teach whilst Alfie is relegated to trying to keep the terrifying Form 2J in order. Initially Form K warm to Kevin's stories and humanity but it soon becomes apparent that he is an impostor - which is just what Alfie needs to know to expose him to Miss Pickwell and Fraser. And the fact that Kevin also has a hand in killing the pet owl Miss Pickwell has brought in to cure the school's rat infestation also helps speed him on his way and get Alfie reinstated.
Tue, Aug 21, 2012
Fraser asks Alfie to supervise the incoming group of French exchange students with instructions not to duplicate last year's disaster when randy French boy Jean Claude disgraced himself. As a result the staff have to teach sex education with varying results. In fact the visitors are Dutch and their most attractive and articulate member shows Alfie up in a class debate,not only as a liar but a virgin. At least Rosie feels sorry for him.
Tue, Sep 17, 2013
After Alfie plays a cruel prank at her expense, Miss Pickwell goes missing. Her car is found by the Severn Bridge with a note to say she has jumped to her death, driven to suicide by Alfie. Whilst Fraser and Alfie interview prospective replacements - all highly unsuitable - Miss Gulliver is appointed acting deputy and proceeds to act more and more like Miss Pickwell. Consumed with guilt Alfie gives a funeral oration - though unfortunately for the wrong person - before organizing a lavish memorial service at the school, after which he is secretly visited by Miss Pickwell. She tells him she staged her own death for the insurance money and wants a thousand pounds from him to flee to Argentina. He reluctantly agrees to help.